Life in the Pink

Saturday, March 30, 2002

Arrrrgh
So, my spring break is almost over, and I've done practically none of the shitloads of work I'd planned to do. In fact, all I've done is read The Antigone, and I just kind of skimmed it because I'd read it in high school. Shit, shit, shit. I wonder how much longer I can use this whole broken leg thing as a valid excuse. Maybe I can do it all on the plane.
12:49 AM Comments

Thursday, March 28, 2002

Deep Dark Secret Secrets
I went out with my ex-boyfriend last night, and we were talking about people our age getting married and how creepy it is.
Him: I was watching TV the other night -
Me: Were you watching the Bachelor?
Him (ashamed): I saw like, five minutes of it.
Me: Whatever! You watched the Bachelor!
Him: No, really, I was flipping through the channels, I just saw five minutes.
Me: I watched all of it! My mom was like "Do you want to watch the Bachelor?" and I was like "Hell yes!" Did you see the chick from Kansas who's our age? Her name is Amanda and she has huge tits! Also, she was talking about how she likes kinky sex on national television. I like to refer to her as Chesty LeSlut.
Him: Uh, no, I didn't see her.
Me: Man, I don't know what I'm going to do when I go back to Oberlin and don't have a TV. Maybe my girlfriend will let me watch it on her TV. I'll tell her I think watching it together would be good for our relationship.
4:21 PM Comments

jigga-what?
My top three enneagram test results (link via Melinda):
Twos are defined by their empathy of other people. They are uniquely gifted at tuning in on the feelings of others. This makes them great networkers. They feed on their connection to others, love of friends and family. However being too caught up with other people can drain them, and cause them to lose track of their own personal well being.
Threes derive self worth from success in the external world. They are highly skilled at adapting themselves in whatever way necessary to achieve success. This external success driven image often comes at a price of having a personal identity and they may lose site of who they really are.
Fives are basically on some level estranged from the rest of the world, consequently, their mind is usually their best friend. They like to analyze things and make sense of them (that is their anchor), this makes them great inventors and philosophers. The immense inner world of fives can cause them to lose touch or interest in reality.
Does being both a two and a five seem kind of contradictory to anyone else?
4:08 PM Comments

Wednesday, March 27, 2002

Wheeeee
Well, I bought some more yarn today. Also, I went to get a passport. Oh, and I got a haircut.
Most excitingly, I got to see the Obertones. They're an Oberlin a capella group, and they happen to be touring California for Spring Break. My friend Ben is in the Obertones. They were very cute with the singing and all.
Ben and I compared Spring Break notes:
Ben: So, I've been traveling, and everywhere we go all these girls throw themselves at us, and we've been smoking all this pot, plus we're staying in Jim's amazing and huge home.
Me: I spend a lot of time on my couch.
However, I'm really happy to spend a lot of time on my couch! My couch rocks! For some reason (perhaps, oh, my broken leg), I really don't feel like being the party girl I normally am compelled to be. Instead I feel like reading a lot of books and crocheting. Which is good, since it's what I'm doing.
2:28 AM Comments

Tuesday, March 26, 2002

Luck
I keep having this conversation with people:
Random Stranger: What happened to you?
Me: I was in a car accident. I got hit by a semi truck.
RS: Oh my god! You're really lucky!
Me: Yeah.
But I'm not. The time when I was so drunk I had to turn on the lights to figure out where to put the key to turn on my car, and I drove home and was fine, I was lucky. The time I was sitting in backseat of a car, making out with the guy I'd met at the rave, while his friend with the head full of acid drove and muttered things like "holy shit, there are a lot of lines on the road," I was lucky. When I drove home on ecstacy, after hitting the raver in the parking lot (he was fine), and I not only got home safe, but parked better than I have before or since, I was lucky. Any of the many, many times I've been in a car driven by someone (including myself) who was in no shape to be driving, I've been incredibly lucky.
But this time I was completely sober. As was my friend who was driving. And now I have a broken ankle. Why am I lucky to have gotten away with this? This time I landed in the hospital, why? Because I don't backseat drive? Because karmically, I was in for it?
I wasn't lucky. If I was lucky, my leg wouldn't be in a cast. My stitches wouldn't be itching right now. I wouldn't be in constant pain. I'd be able to carry things. I wouldn't be wondering why I found a lump in my stomach today, and hoping it's just a bruise. I wouldn't be wondering why my chest still hurts, and why it hurts so much to sneeze. If I was lucky, I wouldn't have gotten broken.
1:39 AM Comments

Chillin' Like A Villian
Life with the rents is rockin. I've spent most of my time on the couch. I hung out with my ex-boyfriend two days ago, but I left my address book at school, so I'm not sure if I'm going to bother looking up anyone else. I'd like to see Jeffie (If you're reading this, email me, yo!), but that's about it. I spent $50 on yarn today. I've started making a scarf for the girl's birthday.
I've been thinking about the girl lately. I miss her. Because I'm a dork. Plus my parents asked a lot of questions about her the first night I was here. (I told them about her, because I thought it would be nice for them to know about someone I was dating. Usually I don't tell my parents about people I'm dating, because usually the people I date are drug addicts.) Also, I've realized I'm filled with an irrational fear of her randomly dumping my ass, because, well, that's what every other girl I've ever dated has done. Awww, sweet, sweet issues.
1:17 AM Comments

S'Truth

What kind of drunk are you?
The sad part is that I retook the test three times to try to not be a chundermonkey. I guess I just have to accept it.
1:10 AM Comments

Thursday, March 21, 2002

Craziest Doctor's Appointment Ever
How crazy was it, you ask? Well, for starters, no one who had actually had anything to do with my case was there, so no one knew why I was there. So I go in, and the nurse comes in and is like "How are you?" and I'm like "Ok," and she's like "Whoa! You have a broken ankle!"
So she asks me why they told me to come in today, and I go "Uh, they told me it was a check up visit." She says "That's weird, we don't normally do those."
Then she goes out in the hall, and I can hear her talking to someone on the phone, and she's like "We have this young lady here, I'm assuming she's here for blay blay," and I'm a trifle concerned because I don't like to hear the word "assume" come out of the mouths of my health professionals.
So she comes back in, and she's like "Well, I'm assuming you're here to get your cast replaced, so I'm going to cut your current cast off and then get a doctor to look at you." (I'm not in a big plaster cast, it's more like a splint with a lot of bandages, because my leg is swollen.)
So she cuts my cast open, and I'm all "Ahhhh! Get it away!" because my leg is all gross and has these stitches and shit in it, and I am not fond of viewing these sorts of things. So she puts a sheet over it for me, and I make her go get my friend Phil from the waiting room, because one person alone cannot handle Wacky Hospital Antics.
So this random doctor comes in, and he's like "Well, it's much too early to put her in a plaster cast, we'll have to put her back into a cast exactly like the one you just cut off." It was at this point that I decided to ask some questions. Now, I don't know exactly what they did to my ankle, because I was passed out.
So I said "Um, excuse me, exactly what did they do to my ankle? Are there like, pins and stuff in there?"
And he said "Well, I don't know what they did, I wasn't there."
And I said "Whoa! It's a crazy mystery down there at my ankle!"
So he read the report in my files, and drew me a crazy picture, and it turns out that there are now three plates in my ankle and about a dozen screws, and they're holding two bones together. So that's exciting.
Then there was a lot of wacky antics about whether or not I could crutch on over to the cast room now that they had cut my cast off and it was falling off me in big, bloody hunks. (I put the kibosh on that one.)
So they put me in a wheelchair and let Phil wheel me over to the cast room. I really impressed a high school kid in the next room over when I was like "Ahhhh! I'm sorry! It's just that that's fucking disgusting! I mean, gross! And it's attached to me! And it used to be my leg!" Then they thankfully covered my leg in a new cast, exactly like the old one. Also, I asked a lot of questions that the doctor didn't answer.
I'm not sure what exactly was supposed to happen during this doctors visit, but I'm choosing to believe that whatever I was supposed to be there for got done.
All in all, it was fun times. I got a nice, new, not-covered-inside-with-my-own-blood cast, and my leg got to air out a little bit. Of course, I had to see my leg, which is now Hideous Swollen Bloody Stitched Up Fraken-Leg, and I'm going to have nightmares about it attacking me in my sleep from now on.
You know how sometimes there's something really violent and gross on television, and you don't want to look but you have to look and then you look away but you look back?
That's what I was like. Only, you know, it's my leg.

7:18 PM Comments

Wednesday, March 20, 2002

Whatever
I'm being super-lazy and blaming it on the percoset. However, I've descovered the secret to feeling productive is to write down everything you have to do on your To Do List. Then you get to cross lots of things off! It's fun!
I've been feeling slightly stoned all day, despite the fact that I've cut down to one perco every six hours. It's not cutting the pain all that well, and I miss the everything-is-okay moment you get about two hours in when you take two percos. However, staring into space has become a much more entertaining activity than I recall it being in the past.
10:40 PM Comments

Tuesday, March 19, 2002

Naptime
I spent three hours asleep on my couch this afternoon. I'm not sure if that's normal. I guess I should probably sleep if that's what my body wants to do. They didn't tell me anything about how much I should be sleeping in the hospital. Of course, in the hospital I slept all the time, since that was the only way to avoid the fact that I was wearing a neck brace and unable to move.
I went to class today. It worked out pretty well. Security drove me from my house to the class room building, and I crutched to my class, and then after class I crutched to the dining hall next to the classroom building, and then Security picked me up and drove me back home. It was a lot of work, though.
The thing about moving around on crutches is that it isn't just my leg that hurts, it's my entire body. Every part of me is pretty bruised and sore, plus using crutches uses weird muscles that I'm not used to using, and the crutches are starting to irritate the parts that they rub against. It's really exhausting to crutch tiny, tiny distances. I think it'll get better over time, though.
5:25 PM Comments

Crutch
I made a pot of coffee this morning, only to discover that I had no way to transport a cup of coffee anywhere, since I was on crutches.
5:17 PM Comments

The Five Weirdest Things on My Desk
With props to Melinda.
Plastic Rave Bracelet reading "Alan Turing".
Metal "OFFICE" sign.
Smoking Bunny Sticker.
The envelope on which I write all my important phone numbers.
The plastic cube with a clip sticking out of it, on which I keep my To Do List.
Percoset kicking in. Think I'll take a little nap.
12:08 AM Comments

Monday, March 18, 2002

The Return
Well, if any of you have been wondering why I haven't been blogging, it's because I've been in the hospital.
I was in a car accident on Thursday. A friend of mine drove me to Wellington to buy alcohol for the party, and on the way back he ran a red light (he just totally didn't see the light) and our car got hit by a semi-truck. The truck hit us right behind the passenger seat (where I was sitting). The car spun around a lot and then rolled over so it was lying on the driver side. As soon as we had stopped moving, I could tell that my ankle was broken, so my friend crawled out of the car and unbuckled me and lowered me into the driver's seat so that I wouldn't be stuck suspended in my seat. There was glass every where, and everything was covered with beer from the 100+ cans we had in the back seat.
My friend called an ambulance, and when the ambulance and the firetruck got there, they broke the windshield open and pulled me out of the car. I was in a lot of pain - they gave me something like 12 units of morphine and it didn't help. It turned out that my ankle was both dislocated and broken, so once they fixed the dislocation, the pain got a lot better (and all the morphine hit me at once). They took me to the Oberlin hospital, but ended up putting me in a helecoptor and taking me to a hospital in Cleveland.
They did surgery on my ankle Friday morning. They were basically done with my ankle on Friday, and I just had to stick around for two more days while the trama people figured out whether I had hurt my spine or not. They had me on oxygen until Saturday afternoon, and I had a neck brace on and couldn't sit up in bed until Sunday afternoon. Not being able to change position for three days, especially when you're in a position where all you can see is the ceiling, is one of the most frustrating things I've ever done. Basically, the hospital sucked a lot.
So now I'm home, and I'm trying to figure out what to do about my classes, midterms, etc. I'm calling professors today, and I'm going to try to go to some classes tomorrow. I'm also learning how to walk on crutches. It's extremely exhausting to walk even very short distances. For one thing, not only is my ankle broken, but I was in a car accident, so my entire body is pretty bruised and sore. For another, I've spent the last three days not moving at all.
It's good to be back home. All my friends are taking very good care of me.
1:51 PM Comments

Thursday, March 14, 2002

Moment of Realization
I'm having a party on the Ides of March (tomorrow), and it's not a toga party. I'm so stupid!
Oh well. I don't have any good sheets, anyway.
2:50 PM Comments

Wednesday, March 13, 2002

I Wanna Code
I miss coding. I haven't had a good, big coding project in forever. We got an assignment in AI today, and it wasn't due until Spring Break (Like, a week and a half) but I finished it in the lab in like, an hour because I really wanted to code. But I mere hour of coding cannot satisfy me. I want projects that last days and days and days and you hate them and they are huge and ungodly and how can one professor expect any human being to do this shit, but then you finally get them to work and are incredibly happy. I want to spend six hours in the lab and form a synergistic mind meld with my computer and have to stop when I can no longer type or make sense of characters on the screen.
I should have taken Graphics instead of AI. I am stupid.
9:36 PM Comments

Tuesday, March 12, 2002

Am I Boring?
I've been totally having writer's block lately. Not so much here, more in my real school fiction writing stuff. I was so much more inspired last semester, when I was semi-depressed and bitter and drinking every day. Lately I don't even want to drink. It's . . . weird. I think I'm too happy. It's starting to affect my work, dammit.
I need to get the girl to start hitting me or something. I'll be like "Come on. Beat me, baby. It's for art."
11:47 PM Comments

Monday, March 11, 2002

I (Heart) Gurl.com
Gurl.com is a site aimed at preteen and teenage girls that I've been reading since I was actually part of their demographic. I was there the other day because I was bored and I enjoy their paperdoll psychology. I was started playing their couples game, and at first I was annoyed at the checkboxes. "Why don't they just use friggin radio buttons and make it easy?" I wondered.
Then I realized. It's because the couples don't have to be boy/girl. They can be girl/girl and boy/boy too. I think it's fucking awesome that a site aimed a teenage girls is being this lgbt friendly, especially since they're not particularly aimed at lgbt youth. Usually sites like this would have one or two articles aimed especially at lesbians, and then ignore them on the rest of the site. The fact that they let you have same sex couples in a game that has nothing to do with lgbt issues speaks volumes about their mindset. I fucking love gurl.com.
1:59 PM Comments

Saturday, March 09, 2002

Keep 'Em Rollin'
Well, I'm officially cracked out as fuck. I decided to go to the store to buy contact solution and drop of some film, and promptly sat on my couch and read an old copy of Glamour for an hour. I went to the store in time for it to appear nice and warm and not rainy out, and left the store in time to be caught in a torrential downpour. My clothes are soaked, and currently hanging up in the bathroom.
Two of my friends had the coolest e-party ever last night. There were a billion cool people there, and everyone loved my raverlicious vibe (I broke out the furry Kitty Pants w/ tail, the rave bracelets, and all my e-toys.). I had a lot of e-inspired revelations, especially that I let dumb shit stress me out way too much. Especially computer science. Just going into the lab turns me into a big ball of stress, and it's not the coding, it's the people. I need to stop feeling like I have to prove myself to them, because I don't. I love computer science, and I'm good at it, and that's all I should care about.
The girl was there for a little bit, although she wasn't rolling. I think she enjoyed herself, but she was a bit weirded out by the fact that everyone else was on ecstacy. I was really glad she was there, though. The girl rocks my world. As Phil said last night, "It's so great that you have a girlfriend and you guys don't hate each other."
I spent a lot of time cuddling and talking with Phil. That boy completely rocks my world. He's my little piece of sanity in this insane world. He's also one of the few people I can let take care of me, because I know he's strong enough to do it, and he'll let me take care of him if he needs it. As I told Emily last night, "Phil is the rock I build my church upon."
Also, someone told us we should have children. And someone else was like "Yeah. They'd be gorgeous!"
Rolling with Em was great, too, just like it always is. I'm going to miss that girl so much.
As always, I love etards. Hanging out with etards is the best part of rolling. Well, that and, you know, rolling.
4:39 PM Comments

Friday, March 08, 2002

But I'm the Bad One!
It's official. I'm the CompSci Dept. Mom.
I spent twenty minutes today running around trying to get people's homework assignments for the class I grade.
"Yes, I know you gave it to the professor. He lost it."
"No, you can't turn it in electronically, I don't have the electronic system set up for that class."
"It's okay, I'll staple it. I'm going up to the office anyway."
When did I become responsible?
5:26 PM Comments

Thursday, March 07, 2002

This Is Not My Beautiful Life
We had a computer science major's commitee meeting today, and we discussed t-shirts. The best idea we have so far is "Computer Science Majors know about the Big O. Experience the pleasures of being asymptotically bound."
Some people on the committee feel that the shirt needs a graphic, which some how lead to me sitting in the lab and looking at ASCII porn with a bunch of CS majors looking over my shoulder and going "Um, I don't think that one's bondage-y enough. We need something about being bound."
It's things like this that make me re-evaluate my lifestyle.
9:44 PM Comments

Tired
The girl appears to not be doing her radio show today, for some mysterious reason. Which means that I woke up at nine in the morning for no reason.
Grrrr. I wonder if there's more coffee.
10:09 AM Comments

Wednesday, March 06, 2002

Girl Power
I went to this really cool meeting about improving diversity in the Computer Science and Math departments. Since only four people showed up, and we were all white chicks, we mainly just talked about the fact that there are no girls in math or cs, especially math. (I am one of three girl compsci majors. Out of 36 majors. Math is apparently about a third girls.) It was really great to be able to bitch about the compsci department in a constructive environment. We discussed why we have this problem! And what we could do about it! I'm really excited about this, although I need more meetings like I need a hole in my head. (I'm currently averaging four meetings a week, not counting the 1-2 times a week I meet to tutor people.)
Predictably, some straight white boy showed up and started bitching about how there was nothing we could do about these problems and we should just ignore them. I think boys just don't understand what it's like to be the only girl in a computer science class. Especially when you're a freshmen and don't know anyone. When I took CS150, I was miserable. I was convinced that everyone else knew what was going on and I didn't, and that I was stupid, and that everyone thought I was a moron. I felt like I was degrading myself every time I had to ask one of the boys, who all seemed to have prior programming experience and know what was going on, for help. The fact that at that time the class was absurdly hard didn't help, either. After being in the department for four years, I realize that most people in that class probably felt the way I did, even though boys. After all, I got an A in the class and went on to be a CS major. There were a lot of people who failed it.
I still feel that way a lot of the time. Like I don't know enough, I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough to compete with the boys who spend there whole fucking life in the lab. Lord knows, a lot of them are smarter than me. And for a lot of them, computer science is their life. Computer Science isn't my life. It's not even my only major. I don't want to be like the boys who breathe computer science. But sometimes I worry that if I pursue a career in computers, I'm going to spend my whole life feeling inferior to them.
10:30 PM Comments

Tuesday, March 05, 2002

Stupid Brain. Stupid Body.
I had an anxiety dream about my classics paper last night, so when my alarm went off I turned it off and then I woke up late. Also, I slept in some sort of odd manner, and now my back is all fuct up. And my piercing is unhappy, I think probably because I was sick.
I'm not sure why my brain and body appear to be out to get me today, but I'm not down with it. They won't get me without a fight.
1:37 PM Comments

Monday, March 04, 2002

Holy Fucking Shit, It's Cold
Why has god forsaken Ohio and plunged us into arctic style cold? Why, oh why?
On the plus side, it does give me the chance to wear my styling new gloves. I got a pair of gloves the same color as my hair, with fake fur cuffs, for 70 cents at Super K yesterday. With my fake fur trimmed hat and black fake fur coat, I am now soft and fuzzy and almost prepared for this sort of thing. I also got a pair of striped super-long gloves that go up past my elbows and make me want to take acid. And they were only $1.40! God bless Super K, I say. Too bad they're going bankrupt. But if my Super K has a going out of business sale, it will be the happiest day of my life.
6:39 PM Comments

Sunday, March 03, 2002

Chill
I've had a pretty chill weekend. Mainly I've spent it avoiding doing work. I finished a CS lab, but I have a paper due Tuesday. It's only two pages, though, which makes it eminently procrastinatible.
The girl had a party yesterday that involved her and one of her housemates and one of my housemates stripping, and that was awesome. At one point her floor was actually bouncing from all the people dancing. Of course, since this is Oberlin, one of my random ex-girlfriends showed up, but we just ignored each other and it was fine. I think one of the only things I'm looking forward to about graduating is no longer running into people I've dated/hooked-up-with everywhere I go. In a college this small, nowhere is safe.
8:57 PM Comments

Saturday, March 02, 2002

Geek Out
I just found out that the java Object class as a getClass() method, which will return the class of an object at runtime. And the Class class has a getName() method that will return the class name as a string.
I think this is the coolest thing ever. I'm so excited! I (heart) the Java API.
4:19 PM Comments

Etard

I gotta admit, I kind of cheated on this one. However, my ex-boyfriend's roommate once told me "If there was a national Ecstacy council, you would be their spokesperson."
I can't help it, I'm perma-rolled!
4:16 PM Comments

Friday, March 01, 2002

Mmmmm, Brie
I saw Brotherhood of the Wolf tonight. So cheesy! Yet French! To be honest, it was pretty bad, but it had pretty costumes in it, so I enjoyed it.
The. Worst. Computer. Graphics. Ever. So very, very bad.
It had a Magical Indian in it. The main character got very upset when they killed his Magical Indian.
Of course, there are two women in the movie, the boring innocent love interest, who hangs around shrieking and needing to be saved, and the possibly-evil-but-actually-good, ass-kicking, sex-enjoying, main-character's-life-saving sexy chick. So of course, the main character ends up with the sheltered innocent in the end. Mmmm. Virgin/whore, anyone?
12:29 AM Comments

Cyn's On The Stereo
I got up at nine this morning to listen to the girl's radio show. You know you like someone when you wake up an hour early to listen to them on college radio. Anyway, I called up to make a request, and she invited me over to the station. So I got to be on the radio. And she let me push the buttons!
And I got to make out with the DJ. That's the best part.
12:25 AM Comments

Sex:

Nerve

Scarlet Letters