Life in the Pink

Thursday, October 31, 2002

K Records is My Best Friend!
Yesterday I dragged Phil to a concert at Bryn Mawr. The Little Wings, who I am currently obsessed with, were playing, along with The Blow and Calvin Johnson.
The Little Wings and The Blow turned out to each be one person, as have been most K recs bands I've seen. However, they were both very adorable and silly people. I think that being cute and wacko may be a requirement to getting signed on to K. Possibly the only requirement.
I got to request a song from The Little Wings. I was sitting in the front, and he asked for requests, and no one was saying anything, so I was like, "Uh, play this song!" and he did. Also, Kyle, the Little Wings guy, was super super cute, and he wandered around the Bryn Mawr college center with a cordless microphone while playing my favorite song. Also, after the show he put on a fake beard and disapeared for a while, and then came back with leaves attached to his jacket.
The Blow girl was also very cute, and she had excellent stage patter. Plus, after her set she had the audience come up and do this dancing game that's described on her CD. So I danced with the Blow. I bought her CD, but I'm not sure how I feel about it yet.
We did not get to see Calvin Johnson, as we had to go catch a bus. However, we did get to hear him tell a long rambling story about Coondogs, and also play a Cooncall whistle.
On our way to the concert, Phil really had to pee, so he made me hold the umbrella while he peed on a tree. So now I'm going to a special place in hell for girls who help boys piss on lesbian schools. He calls it, "striking one for the patriarchy."
11:46 PM Comments

Wednesday, October 30, 2002

Pie!!!
Yesterday Phil wanted to make a pie, so apparently he went to Whole Foods to get gelatin, and the Whole Foods people harassed him and where like, "No, we don't have your DEAD COW THICKENER, but we do have this" and gave him some
sort of vegetarian jello product called "SuperFruits." So this morning I found like, four boxes of SuperFruits in our kitchen, and I was like, "Phil, what is the deal with SuperFruits?" (Also, I just really like saying SuperFruits.) And he told me that story and I was all:
1) Whole Foods SELLS MEAT, so what the hell is their deal, anyway? and
2) So where ya going to TELL ME that you were putting gelatin in the pie, or
what?
And Phil was all, "Uh, I probably would have told you if you asked." But then I admitted that I eat gelatin half the time, anyway. Also, I told him that he should have asked for Agar Agar, which is also fun to say.
But then it turned out that Phil had neglected to realize that in order to make a pie crust you need shortening, so there is no pie after all.
Life is sad without pie.
So today I went out and bought the necessary ingrediants for pie. But still, there is no pie in my house! Why, no pie? WHY?!?
4:04 PM Comments

Conversation with My Roommate
Phil: I've been thinking of cutting wheat out of my diet.
Me: Is wheat bad for you?
Phil: Well, I'm allergic to it. But I guess we could eat healthier.
Me: I'd like to eat healthier.
Phil: But how would we? We eat pretty healthly already.
(Healthy eating discussion, centering around switching kinds of oil.)
Me: Are we going to become Those People?
Phil: Those People?
Me: You know, the people where you go over to their house and they're like, "We're vegan and we don't eat wheat and we only eat raw food."
Phil: No.
(pause)
Phil: Unless you want to be those people.
Me: I'm not so big on the raw food thing.
4:00 PM Comments

Shut In
Today I woke up, noted the fact that it was hailing outside, and thought to myself, "Leaving one's apartment is for suckers." I then proceded to spend the entire day hanging around my apartment doing nothing. And it was quite lovely. I washed dishes and cleaned and worked on the hat I'm crocheting and read an Edith Wharton novel and took apart a toaster and procrastinated doing all the things I really need to do.
Although, to be honest, I did leave briefly in order to go get ice cream from the corner store. But that was it!
Mmmmm. Ice cream.
1:20 AM Comments

Tuesday, October 29, 2002

I Am A Complete Freak
Last night I had a sexual fantasy that involved pi. You know, 3.14? Only the fantasy involved it to a lot more digits than that. I mean, yeah, it also had a naughty Catholic school girl/stern math teacher thing going on, but pi was definitely like, the central theme.
Am I the only person who thinks math is sexy?
1:56 AM Comments

Rawk!
Well, I've finally caught up on my sleep. And I get the next three days off!
If only my house wasn't filthy, life would be perfect.
1:54 AM Comments

Sunday, October 27, 2002

Sooooooooo Tired
Average 5 hours sleep in last three days. Why, god, why?
1:17 AM Comments

Thursday, October 24, 2002

Hysterical
Thanks to my wacky work schedule and just generally being a nutball, I am currently having an existential crisis. Themes include the following:
Just what the hell am I doing with my life?
What if I'm living too far above my means and I end up having to suck dick on the street corner and all the tranny hookers are mean to me?
What if everyone at work secretly hates me and I get fired?
What if I'm actually just really, really stupid and I get fired?
I miss my girlfriend.
Should I be going to grad school?
When am I going to actually find time to write brillant witty short stories and get them published?
What if my girlfriend secretly hates me?
What if people get weird and awkward at work when they find out I'm dating a girl?
What if my work schedule sucks forever?
Am I crazy?
What about my student loans?
What if this is all a huge, huge mistake?

8:50 PM Comments

Wednesday, October 23, 2002

Snazzy Apartment
Check it, Check it, it's my cool apartment!
Clicking on the link will give you a tour of my hip digs.
6:14 PM Comments

Heh
"and the girl thought drearily in her head, 'Oh God, I slept with a vegan.'"
From fiction on Nerve.
(Probably not worksafe)
2:49 PM Comments

Tuesday, October 22, 2002

Confidential to "Vinnie Diesel"
My commenting system logs your IP address.
I suggest that you stop this nonsense. And you can take that as "suggestion" in the "it would be a shame if someone happened to fall down and break their kneecaps, like" sense.
9:18 PM Comments

I'm Biz Caz and I Love It

My boss said I look "very snappy."
9:15 PM Comments

Monday, October 21, 2002

Things Currently Wrong With My Apartment
Mysterious leak in fridge.
Bathroom faucet leaks.
Oven doesn't light.
Big holes in walls with cable coming out of them.
Apartment still not fucking painted.
I swear to god, if they don't fix this shit I'm going on rent strike. If I have to stare at goddamned blue poster tack any longer, it will drive me completely insane.
2:06 AM Comments

Stupid
I just went to a diner and drank a lot of coffee and now my stomach is angry and I cannot sleep.
Fortunately, I don't have to work until one tomorrow.
1:57 AM Comments

Sunday, October 20, 2002

It's All So Clear Now
Suddenly, my sex life makes perfect sense.
12:55 PM Comments

Wednesday, October 16, 2002

Oh, Brother
So, my brother is staying with me for his fall break. And I have no idea what to do with him, since he's a nineteen year old straight male hippie, and I really no longer have any idea what straight boys or people who can't go to bars do.
So I gave him a map of the city and was like, "Historical shit is over that way."
Fortunately, the one thing he's expressed interested in is getting hammered, and I can do that for him. Because god gives everyone a special gift, and mine is drinking.
11:02 PM Comments

Tuesday, October 15, 2002

Mostly Gay!
I saw Mirah tonight. She is officially The Cutest Thing Ever, and I'm going to quit my job and devote my life to following her around. It's not stalking, cause she's a musician! Sure, she only has a guitar and a keyboard, but she must need a really, really untalented roadie.
Unfortunately, I have some competition with the stalking thing, because apparently she both got flashed and got a pair of underwear.
The opening band, Shimo, were very good, and I recomend you check them out. I purchased their CD, and so should you!
I wore my bedazzled Trotsky shirt to the show, which many people admired. Also, a punk dyke invited me to join her sewing circle.
Jesus christ, this blog is a total dyke-o-rama lately. I'm more than just hot girl-on-girl sex, I swear!
11:49 PM Comments

Monday, October 14, 2002

The Cleavage That Ate Manhattan
I went to Outfest yesterday. Between going to the Dyke March in LA, Pride in San Francisco, and now Outfest here, I think I'm officially the gayest person ever.
There was a streetfair type thing during the day, so Phil and I wondered around and got free shit and pondered why all rainbow stuff is so freaking gay. Also, I stole a candy necklace from gay Lutherans, insuring my soul a special place in hell.
There was barhopping at night, so I decided to get dressed up. I wore a purple prom dress, glittery star hairclips, blue platform shoes, fishnets, and a bondage necklace I borrowed from my roommate. The combined forces of my period, the cut of the prom dress, and what I like to call my "structural engineering" bra gave me cleavage that was actually climbing out of my dress and wandering off to take over small countries. So of course I put glitter all over it. And I did my best sexy dead girl make-up.
I was a Pretty Pretty Bondage Princess.
We went to Uncles, our local gay bar, first, because I had promised one of the bartenders that I would wear a prom dress for him. He was very impressed, and free drinks ensued.
Then I innocently enough asked for another gin and tonic from Randy, a different bartender. The following exchange ensued:
Me: Can I have another gin and tonic?
Randy: Not unless you show us your tits.
Me: Do you know how much structural engineering went into this outfit? They're not easy to get out.
Randy: Fine. No gin and tonic.
Me: Will I get a free drink if I show you my tits?
Random Dude: She should get two if she shows both of them.
Randy: You'll get seven free drinks if you show me your tits.
Me: Fine.
Then I had Phil unzip me, popped them out, and got a round of applause. After redressing and consuming a massive gin and tonic, I decided my cuteness was at it's apex, and I convinced Phil and his friend to come with me to the lesbian bar. And a cute girl there bought me a free drink without me even having to show my tits.
2:41 PM Comments

Saturday, October 12, 2002

Things That Actually Suck
My work schedule today: 11:30-2:00, 2:30-3:00, 4:30-midnight.
3:38 PM Comments

Suck More, Baby
Threads about me sucking: now up to two. Me thinks certain metalheads have some sort of problem.
Also, I think I'm going to take being described as "looking like a trashy whore" as a compliment. Trashy whores are hot!
So are Suicide Girls. Maybe being in a thread together will bring me and the suicide girls pictured together . . . in a threesome.
3:35 PM Comments

Friday, October 11, 2002

Things That Make Me Sad
Our upcoming war.
My fridge has started mysteriously dripping water that appears to be coming from the freezer and collecting under the crispers.
I have a wacko work schedule tomorrow.
My room is filthy and I have no motivation to clean it.
There is now an entire thread about how much I suck.

7:34 PM Comments

The Retarded Couple, Pt. 3
Yesterday, we both got our periods. Yep, that's right, we now menstrate in unison. We have reached a level of disgusting coupleness that you straight people can never dream of!
7:29 PM Comments

Thursday, October 10, 2002

Zzzzzzzzzzzz
I feel like I've been lacking in quality blogging lately, but, frankly, I'm really to tired to care a lot. I really like my job, but unfortunately it, unlike every other job I've ever had, is not the kind where you get paid to goof off. In fact, apparently everything we do is monitored and looking at the internet could put my job in jeopardy.
So, a little about my job. I'm not sure how much I'm allowed to tell you, because I had to sign a nondisclosure agreement. I work for a small phone company that makes money by registering phone numbers that spell things. Most of the numbers that they register spell things like "513-TWAT" but sometimes they spell things like "467-SHOP". I'm doing basically three different things there: looking through lists of numbers to find ones that spell good words, registering numbers when they become available, and programming scripts.
It's a really small company, and I really like the people there. Everyone has been super nice to me so far. Also, we had a birthday party for one of my coworkers today, and everyone liked the cookies I made.
In unrelated news, yesterday my roommate and I dressed up like ravers and then went gay-bar hopping. Which is one of many reasons why I tend to say, "Oh, nothing," when asked by my coworkers if I did anything interesting last night/have any interesting plans for the weekend.
9:17 PM Comments

Tuesday, October 08, 2002

The Retarded Couple, Pt. 2
We said "I love you" in unison whilst ending our phone conversation. We are dorks! Dorks in love.
10:53 PM Comments

Coding! Yay!
They let me code at work today. They're doing stuff in Visual Basic, which I've never really used before except to do a couple of word macros. However, it's basically like Java except retarded, so I'm catching on. They seemed impressed by the stuff I did, so hopefully I'll get to code more in the future.
I really am just a huge fucking dork. I'm like, "Yay! Coding! Fun!" However, it had been a really long time since I'd done any programming at all. I missed it!
10:17 PM Comments

Monday, October 07, 2002

What Have I Become?
The girl and I just had a fake fight over who would hang the phone up first.
We have officially become The Retarded Couple.
11:27 PM Comments

I Am Employed
Today I went out and got myself a job. Then I worked half a day, came home, and made a stew. Because I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never ever let you forget that you're a man.
8:23 PM Comments

Sunday, October 06, 2002

"Ambiguous"

I'm Diana, which ambiguous dyke are you? Quiz by Turi.

link via Incognita.
11:31 PM Comments

Saturday, October 05, 2002

Lust
I really, really want this shoe organizer from Target. Does that make me a total freak?
1:11 PM Comments

Friday, October 04, 2002

Squeeee!, pt. 2
I have another job interview on Monday. (Sqeeeee!) At this rate, I may actually be employed sometime.
Also, my drug test got put off to next week. (Double Sqeeee!)
And, most importantly, it is my roommate's birthday, and in honor of this fact I have consumed mass amounts of sushi and saki. (To full to Sqeeee!)
9:43 PM Comments

Knocked Up Sluts
I find this quote from a Nerve photo gallery featuring a pregnant woman highly amusing: "I realized there might be people who might fetishize these images," he says. "But at the end of the day, you can shoot a lawnmower and somebody's going to fetishize it. Ultimately, you just have to let go."
Yeah, cause who on earth would fetishize this. I mean, it's obviously just a sensitive portrayal of the pregnant female form, and not sexual at all . . .
Also, it must be a huge bitch to shave your pubes when you're preggers.
(links not work safe)
9:42 PM Comments

Thursday, October 03, 2002

Jealous
Today I saw a middle-aged man wearing a shirt that said, "Please hold my beer while I kiss your girlfriend."
It was all I could do to not ask him where he got it.
7:59 PM Comments

Sell Out
Inside my head as I walk down the street.
Grrrrr, Urban Outfitters, fucking poser fu- Hey, those are nice shoes.
However, I did not go in.
7:54 PM Comments

Tuesday, October 01, 2002

Red Panties for Reproductive Choice
You can find out all about this here. Basically, it's a crazy conceptual art installation, and you should wear red underwear on October 7th. I plan to. (Well, providing I remember, of course.)
Why, you ask? Well, because wacko political art is always a beautiful thing.
11:09 PM Comments

Sqeeee!
I have a job interview on Thursday!
(This is the part where you picture me jumping up and down and going "Sqeeeee!" despite the fact that I'm trying not to get to excited because it's only an interview.)
10:09 PM Comments

Sex:

Nerve

Scarlet Letters