Home

Sitting in LAX, I chat with the man sitting next to me. He asks if I'm going home, and I say, "No. Yes. My parents live in LA, and I live in Philadelphia."

Changing flights in Chicago, I am lost and confused. My flight is leaving soon (my incoming flight was slightly delayed), and I can't find my gate. Suddenly, I can't remember where I'm going. Is it LA? Philadelphia? I just came from LA, I must be going to Philly. Did I look up the gate number for the wrong flight? I keep running in the wrong directions. I ask a woman working at a random gate where the flight to Philly is, and she tells me. They had changed the gate number twice. This flight has been delayed, too, I've got plenty of time.

I didn't want to leave LA. I wanted to stay there, and take bubble baths every morning, and eat the food my mom makes, and go to dive bars with Adam and Wendy, and drink wine and laugh with my family. I didn't want to go back to Philly, where I have a job to go to and grad school apps to finish and an apartment that desperately needs cleaning.

It's not real, this LA that I miss. It's fake holiday LA. It's the LA of my childhood, where I don't have a job and my mom does my laundry. In real, non-holiday LA, I don't have any friends, and I would have to get a job, and sleeping in my dad's office is not very feasible in the long term.

But it felt so good, this fake LA. It was warm, and had an abundance of love. It was filled with people who talking to is as easy as breathing. It was safe, and comforting, and home.

My Subconscious Has Continuity

A couple of days ago, I had this intensely depressing dream about gay gnomes. Later that same night, I had a dream in which I was telling someone about the gay gnome dream.

Sometimes, I think my brain just likes to mess with me.

Tidal Wave of Denial

I haven't mentioned the tsunami here because I've decided to deal with it by going into deep denial. I have enough things to be neurotic and upset about: the last election, how I'm totally not going to get into grad school, whether or not my pores are too big, the war in Iraq, gay people being defined as second class citizens, my job, etc. If I have to really comprehend this latest tragedy, I'm pretty sure that I will never sleep again.

*Update: I gave some money to Doctors without Borders, because I hear from various people that they're a good organization. Money: For when you don't have the energy to really care.

Hey, It's Cold Here

I'm back, everyone. Sorry I didn't post more from LA, but all of that sunshine and cheese and wine and holiday cheer made my mind soft and weak, like a crustacean without its shell. I knew I was in trouble when I was driving on the 110, and up in front of me two cars changed lanes in this weird way, and I thought to myself, "Dudes, what is up with you?" I never use the plural of dude in Philadelphia.

LA was wonderful. Wendy was there for much of it, and I got to drive her around and show her various landmarks, like the Hot n' Tot diner where I once went on a date, and my high school, and the junior high that wasn't as good as my junior high.

Adam, who I have known since junior high, was also there. I hadn't seen Adam in two years, but it was like we hadn't ever been apart. We made it our mission to go to various San Pedro dive bars, but that's a story that deserves its own entry. Adam's totally awesome girlfriend Ashley was there, too, and she made me this amazing knitting bag for Christmas. It's always very pleasing when your friends date people who are just as cool as they are, mainly because then you get to hang out with their super cool significant others too.

I saw all of my family, and it was great. My family is all super liberal and fun and tells lots of funny stories and makes great food and has lots of wine.

Also, I'm clearly losing my edge, because my mother did not make any sort of negative comment about my holiday party outfit (there have been years she's made me go change), and I was not the loudest or drunkest at any of my holiday parties. (Of course, sometimes it helps to have Wendy around for just that reason.) I'm just so gosh-darn sedate these days.

Happy Holidays

I am at home with my family and the dog and the Wendy Lady. Earlier today I set up my dad's routers. Later today I'll go to the same party I've gone to every Christmas Eve since I was in utero. It's sunny and lovely here.

Merry Christmas and/or Happy Winter Holiday of your choice, everyone.

Stucco

I'm back home for the first time in two years, and everything is the same here. Not in my house, because remodeling the house is my parents' version of heroin, but in my town. I guess I shouldn't have expected anything drastic to go down in the last two years, but still, it seems sort of odd.

All the buildings here are square and covered in stucco. Some of them are weird pastel colors, purple and pink and green. Many are various shades of beige. This seems very odd to me, even odder when I consider that nothing has changed. At some point the square stucco buildings seemed totally normal to me, and now when I look at them I think, "How strange," and expect to turn the corner and run into dilapidated victorian row houses. Things here are squat and flat where they would be tall and skinny in Philly.

Today I saw a girl talking on a cell phone while riding a horse.

It's good to be home. There are my awesome parents and lots of good food and riding around in the minivan. No one calls my cell phone and I haven't yet had any unfortunate run-ins with people I went to high school with. Operation Bubblebath commenced this morning and was a complete success.

Dear East Coasters: HA HA!

Yesterday I was in Philly and it was like, seven degrees. That is an actual, factual temperature, too, and not my usual rampant hyperbole. I didn't think it was even legal for it to get that fucking cold.

Today I'm in LA, and the low for the day is like, forty-five.

Why did I move to the East Coast, again?

This Weekend

This weekend was "Obie Xmas" in NYC. Every year since we've graduated my college roommates and I have met up somewhere around Christmas. We exchange presents, gossip, and are generally debauched. This one was especially hedonistic, as Saturday night found us in a hookah bar, smoking vanilla flavored tobacco and drinking red wine and eating obscene amounts of hummus. It was like the fall of Rome, except without all the man-on-man action (sadly).

I spent a large amount of money at Lush. My justification is that I am storing up for the long, Lush-store-free months ahead. Also, that soap smells really, really good. And I bought some of their bubble bars with the express purpose of bringing them to LA with me and taking bubble baths in my parents' huge spa bathtub. I'm really, really excited about this. Their bathtub is large and in charge and about three times as big as my tiny bathtub. None of this crap where my knees stick out and I have to stick a plastic bag in the drain to slow all of the water escaping the tub in the huge spa tub. It will be like paradise on earth.

The NJ Transit train back from NYC was really crowded, and I ended up sitting with a very nice older woman from Philadelphia, and girl who looked a little younger than me from Bethlehem, PA. The girl had just visted New York for the first time, and was really into talking to both me and the older woman. She kept asking where I lived, what I did, etc. At one point I was like, "I'm a computer programmer," and she said, "Really? You actually program computers?" and I was like, "Um, yes," and she was like, "You must be really smart," and I was like, "Um, I guess so." (I should have said, "Not judging by a lot of my former coworkers," but I didn't.) Then she got off at the first stop, thank god, because seriously, I just want to read my magazine, not tell you my life story.

Nothing To See Here, Move Along

This blog would be a lot more interesting if I had done anything other than sleep and work in the last 30 or so hours.

(Okay, that's a lie. I also rode the bus, ate, and wrapped some presents.)

(In public transit related news, I'll soon be paying the highest bus fares in the country. I'm one of the rare Philadelphians who actually likes SEPTA; being from LA, I find any public transit at all sort of novel and delightful. Also, way to do this in January, when biking or walking to work will most likely involve sub-zero temperatures and icey doom.)

I Have Three Unscheduled Days Left in December

I'm feeling a little less stressed out lately. I think it's partly that my missing the comp sci GRE combined with my new "let's shoot a little lower" decision means that my three remaining applications are due Jan. 15th, Feb. 1st, and Feb 22nd. I'm also feeling a lot more confident that I'll get in somewhere, even if I end up going to Temple.

I'm also going to be going to LA very soon. (Next Tuesday, actually.) My big LA plans include taking bubble baths in my parents' crazy spa bath tub, and watching lots of antiques roadshow with the pinkhairedparents. Oh, and I might drive to Fresno with my best friend Adam.

But first I'm going to NYC this weekend for Obie Xmas. My college roommates and I get together every year around Christmas and hang out and have girly time and exchange presents. It's kind of ridiculously awesome.

(Yeah, that's right, LA and New York in the same week. I'm just ridiculously cosmopolitan like that.)

The only thing I'm still worried about is time. I'm not sure when I'm going to pack for, well, anything. Or do laundry. I have a little time Monday night, and that's about it. I may be bringing a lot of dirty underwear with me to LA. (But, hey, the laundry is free there!) Also, everyone's Christmas presents may be wrapped in, uh, my love. And the sex ads from the Philadelphia Weekly. (Nothing says, "I'm one classy Martha Stewart bitch" like a present covered in pictures of tranny hookers.)

Oh, and I spent two hours today trekking to the fucking UPS package center thingy in South Philly. Have I mentioned I hate UPS?

Living Dangerously

At my desk at work, five powerstrips are daisychained from two outlets. I'm powering six computers and god only knows what else.

I Am A Moron

So you know the Computer Science Subject GRE I was going to take tomorrow? It turns out that test was actually given on last Saturday, the 11th. I somehow managed to write it on my calendar for the wrong day, and totally, absolutely convince myself it was the fifteenth.

So it looks like I'm not taking it, since it's next given in April. It's not a total tragedy. The subject GRE was recommended but not required for UC San Diego and UC Santa Cruz, and MIT and UPenn don't care about it at all. The only school that required it was University of Texas at Austin, and that was the school I was really the least interested in. So I think I'm going to look into applying to Temple and Drexel, and we'll see what happens.

On the plus side, I got to booze it up at my company Christmas party.

Sick

Just in case December wasn't stressful enough, I came down with a sore throat last night. We didn't have any cough syrup or cold meds in the apartment, so I barely slept last night because my throat hurt.

I was worried I'd caught Jill's throat spots, but it doesn't look like it. I checked it out last night in the mirror. I'm not sure exactly where my tonsils are, and it was hard to see because it's all dark inside of your mouth, and full of your tongue and your teeth and everything, but from what I could tell the back of my mouth looked sort of red and angry, but not spotted.

Today before work I stopped by RiteAid and bought a ton of cold/cough medicine. I took some DayQuil, which tasted like ass, but immediately made me feel better. I'm also rocking the chloraseptic.

I'm hoping that since I'm actually treating this, it will go away. Hopefully before, you know, the Computer Science GRE on Wednesday.

Adopt-A-Punk

There's this punk guy who's squatting somewhere in my neighborhood. I know he lives in my neighborhood because I run into this guy at least once or twice a week. He's tall, wears your classic punk studded denim patches etc, looks to be late twenties or early thirties.

The first couple of times I saw him, he'd ask me for change, I'd say no, we'd go about our business. Then for a while he was just kind of nodding at me, but not asking me for change.

Then one night my friend Melanie and I were out, and she gave him like, a dollar because she wanted to ask him if he knew how to get to this dinner that neither of us were very sure how to get to. (It turned out he didn't know, but between the two of us, we did.)

I ran into him around the neighborhood a couple of times after that, and it's now gotten to the point where we say hi to each other, maybe exchange pleasantries, whatever.

Then I ran into him again at a couple of weeks ago, and he had some story about needing to get a cab to get from his squat to some other squat, and whatever, I give him some change. Which, mistake, because now I'm not just the highly recognizeable girl he sees around the neighborhood constantly, I'm the highly recognizeable girl who can sometimes be hit up for money.

So, yesterday, I'm in my local bar with Kirsten, and the punk guy is there. I, of course, surreptitiously point him out and am like, "I see that dude everywhere, and he always asks me for change, and it's so super awkward!" Twenty minutes later, punk guy walks over and is all, "I don't mean to interupt, but I'm trying to raise money to buy a PBR." And I'm like, "Um, sorry, no."

I'm not sure I can adequately explain how awkward all of this is. Because this guy lives in my neighborhood, and now recognizes me, and seems to be a fairly nice guy. It's not like he's your random crazy homeless person. And I'm kind of like, dude, if you want to be a squatter, that's cool and all, but I also didn't sign up for the Adopt-A-Punk program. ("For only fifty cents a day, you can keep this thirty-year-old man in PBR! Unless he spends the fifty cents on weed.")

And I see him all the time. The usual don't-make-eye-contact avoidance techniques don't work here, because he's my neighbor. And whether or not I give him change, it's totally, totally awkward.

Things My Friends Have Said To Me Recently

"I used to think your knitting was cute, but now I just kind of find it frightening."

"So, do you have any advice on how to go on a bender?" (This one was Ro, calling from Chicago because he just finished college. I told him to pace himself.)

Noise Bad.

Last night one of my friends called me at 2 am, at which point I was soundly ensconsed in slumber. (This is actually slightly surprising, because I didn't go to bed until at least 1:20 am, and usually I spend more time than that staring at my ceiling and thinking vaguelly neurotic thoughts about how I'm never going to get into grad school and everyone I know will eventually die. I also sometimes think about future knitting projects.) But nonetheless, I was rather soundly asleep.

So at 2 am, the phone rings. Immediately, I think, "Noise! Noise bad! Must make noise stop!" Then I spent a good deal of time trying to get my alarm to turn off, which, not surprisingly, didn't stop the noise. (Although I did suceed in turning my alarm off eight hours too early.) By the time I figured out the noise was my phone, the call had gone to voicemail.

And that is why I woke up at 12:30 pm.

Things Accomplished Today

• Submitted my MIT application. Can you believe I applied to MIT? God, the hubris of me. It's like I'm asking the gods to strike me down.
• Brought the red tinsel Christmas tree up from the basement.
• Emptied the cat litter. Ever since the cat population in my house tripled, I've completely given up on scooping the cat litter, because, well, it's gross. But I still use the clumpy cat litter, because I think it smells less. Anyway, I even went the extra mile and vacuumed up some of the litter the cats had tracked all over the living room.
• Bought a variety of clothing that I plan on wearing to various holiday festivities. You know what sucks in December? Going shopping.
• Transferred money from my savings account to my checking account, because December is expensive.
• Bought Christmas presents on Amazon. I have yet to do any Christmas shopping that didn't take place on Amazon.com. What did people do before the internet?
• Finished up some Christmas knitting. I told myself I wasn't going to do Christmas knitting, because that way lies carpal tunnel syndrome and insanity. But then I was like, "Oh, I'll just knit something for this person. And that person. Oh, and can't forget them!" I am so stupid.

Have I mentioned December sucks? December totally sucks.

Not Even I'm That Bad

I'm walking to the bus at 8:30 am, and a woman stops me and says, "Excuse me, miss?" I stop and see what she wants, because I am nice. She also looks fairly put together and decently-dressed, so I figure she's not the usual random people asking for change.

She says, "I'm opening a store* at 9 am, do you know if there's a bar or a club somewhere around here where I can wait?" and I was like, "No, sorry," because, dude, it's 8:30 am. I have no idea where you can get your drink on. Also, if you're getting the shakes before 9 am, perhaps you should plan ahead. Look into a flask or something. Those mini-bottles of booze, perhaps.

Do I look like I know where you can get a drink at 9 am? (Don't answer that.)

*this part of the conversation is approximate. It was something with the words "store" and "open" and "9 am" and I hadn't had my coffee yet and wasn't functioning well.

Brainwave Hat/Monkeys/The Ever Present Spectre of Grad School

I'm excited about this news article about a brainwave capturing hat being used to control a computer mouse. We're totally one step closer to when I have a chip in my brain and can write code from my shower.

(I have to admit, I like it better when these articles are about monkeys. There's just something inherently humorous about about monkeys sitting around playing video games with the powers of their minds alone. Like a bunch of monkeys are going to get together and play Grand Theft Auto with their brainchips while using their arms to eat bananas and fling poo and whatnot.)

In semi-related news, I have submitted my UPenn application. So there's another school I can look forward to being rejected from in three or four months.

Where the Odds are Good and the Goods Are Odd

I just got an email at my "I Am A Professional and You Should Let Me Into Grad School" gmail address that starts:

"Dear Cynthia, We obtained your name from ETS and believe you could be a good fit for Colorado School of Mines based on your academic background and graduate program goals. Mines is a world-renowned public research university devoted to engineering and applied science with a total enrollment of 3500 students. We offer an innovative curriculum that emphasizes practical, hands-on experiences and an interdisciplinary approach to solving problems of importance to society."

Dude! Colorado school of Mines! I find this really, really hilarious. Unfortunately, the only person who will possibly find this as funny as I do is my dad. Daddy, if you're reading this, the Colorado School of Mines totally wants me to go there.

Also: I am being wooed by colleges! Yes! Finally! Woo me, bitches!

Knitting and Massive Linkage. Aren't You Lucky.

Philadelphians: Metroblogging is looking for five more people to volunteer to start a Philly metroblog. I read the LA one all the time and get all homesick and jealous about the cool shit going down in my hometown. So, yeah, let's do this thing. Considering that I personally know about twenty Philly bloggers, there's no excuse for us not having enough people for this.

Knitters: For whatever reason I am totally loving the latest knitty. Like, more than usual.

My number one must knit is Candy, although I'm worried it might not be flattering on me. I'm thinking about knitting it in two shades of green, because if I wear a lot of pink I kind of look like those crazy old ladies who dress entirely in one color.

I dig Cathode but I'm not sure that the collar is really my style. But I'm excited to learn Glampyre has a book coming out. I haven't knit any of her stuff, but I love the way her designs look in pictures.

Belle Epoque is lovely, but I'm not sure it would be flattering on me, and that's a goddamn lot of knitting on size six needles. Maybe after I've seriously recovered from Under the Hoodie.

I'm thinking of knitting Mariah as well. Y'all know I love the hoodies. And I haven't really done a cable project yet.

I'm totally making Wavy. Because I don't have enough scarves. (This is where Jill, who has seen my scarf crate, wets herself laughing.)

Other things I'd consider making: Tempting (although, again, not sure it would be flattering), Maryella (although, tiny tiny needles), Very Tall Socks, Pasha the Penguin, and The Winecozy (some people may get those for Christmas, actually).

And of course, I'm going to have to knit The Womb. It's amazing I don't already own a knitted uterus, when you think about it.

What?!?

The woman getting off the bus is wearing those sweatpants with writing on them. Across her ass it says, "DEN TAL".

Addendum: People seem to think this probably indicates she goes to the Penn dental school. I agree that this is likely, but since when is it acceptable to display your academic affiliation on your ass? Forget gay marriage, this is what's responsible for the downfall of American values.

Also, this explanation is way better than my, "maybe it's about vagina dentata" theory.

Mishaps Abound

I had two mishaps today.

First I attempted to make some sort of soup with pasta stars and vegetable broth for lunch today, and ended up with a vile concoction I poured down the garbage disposal. There's something uniquely disheartening about creating food that's so bad that even you won't eat it. It says, "I have failed at feeding myself, one of the most basic human tasks."

The second mishap: I was pulling down the storm windows in my apartment. They've been pushed up out of the way all summer so we could open the windows and the apartment would be less of a hellhole. To tell you the truth, I had actually forgotten that storm windows existed, because I am from the West Coast and my people do not have storm windows. But we were talking about storm windows at Naomi's dinner party last night, and I was like, "Oh, yes, I should put those down. Presumably they will keep my house warmer or protect me from storms or whatever the hell storm windows do." (West Coast. Don't know these things.)

Long story short: I totally shut one of the storm windows on my fingers. At this point you are probably saying, "My, that must have hurt." To which I reply, "Owwww. Owwwww. Motherfucker."

Short story long: There was also a bit where I had to pull off a vine which had become attached to my screen during the summer, and I got leaves everywhere and finally just gave up and cut the vine so that I could close the window (on my hand) with it still attached. (The vine was still attached, not my hand. Well, my hand was attached to my arm. The vine was attached to the window.)

In other news, judicious searching of Amazon.com has revealed that there are only three books on the Computer Science GRE in existance. One of them is not out until January 2005, one of them takes two to four weeks to ship, and the other one has user reviews that say things like "It has nothing to do with the actual GRE CS subject test. What's worse, it is especially harmful as a test preparation book. Don't be midled by it!!!" (I am assuming they actually mean "misled.") So it looks like I am going to be depending on whatever facts my brain still remembers from college and my innate test-taking abilities.

Baby Hat

I made this hat for one of my coworker's baby. His name is Henry and he comes in to work every day, so really it's kind of like I have a baby coworker.

I made the hat on size 4 needles using Lion Brand baby yarn. I used a pattern called "The Grand Hat Plan" in Interweave Knits Spring 2001.

I thought that it would be super fast and easy what with being a wee, adorable baby hat, but it turns out that size 4 needles + tiny, tiny yarn I must have bought when I was on crack = fuck you, Cynthia. It didn't take super long, but it was probably just about as much time as it would have taken to make a comparable adult hat.

Here's a side view.

For some reason making the pom-pom was the hardest part of all this. I'd never made one before, and all of my crafty mojo totally deserted me. It took me two reference books and three attempts to make that pom-pom, and my first attempt just got thrown away in a big, snarled yarn ball.

The hat fits Henry perfectly, and he spent twenty minutes taking it off his head and throwing it at the floor and waiting for it to be put back on his head in paroxysms of baby joy.

Yesterday, on the El

I was sitting there, with my pink hair and my pink sweater and my pink boots, riding to work. A girl got on. She was tall and skinny and had blue hair and a blue jacket and blue sneakers. I stared at her until she got off at 11th street.

Somewhere in Philadelphia, my opposite is wandering around.

This Does Not Bode Well

The Mystic Pig
	I asked the mystic pig: Will I get into grad school? and the mystic pig said: Ain't gonna happen this time round. Ask the Mystic Pig another question created by ixwin

Mishap

You know what's really unfortunate? When you're sitting on your couch, drinking a beer and checking out the internet, and you reach down and grab your beer from where it's sitting on the floor next to the couch, and you take a swig, and then you realize that you inadvertantly grabbed yesterday's couch beer.

I realize that I have no one to blame but myself, and I am deeply ashamed. But not to ashamed to put on the internet. Because, dude. Gross. But also kind of funny.

PS. Has anyone else been getting all these spam comments that don't actually include a URL and thus are impossible to block? If so, how have you dealt with them? Because they're really fucking annoying.

I Got Yer SQL Injection Right Here

My .NET newsletter is a little sexy this morning. Relevant excerpt:

"Learn why 70% of today's successful hacks involve Web Application attacks such as: SQL Injection, XSS, Cookie Manipulation, and Parameter Manipulation."

I think I could use some cookie manipulation, if you know what I mean.