Sometimes, When You're Not Looking, I'm a Fairy

The number one response to this costume was, "So, are you some kind of devil butterfly girl?"

Apparently, unlike me, the rest of the world is not enamored with those old-timey drawings and woodcuts of Fairies with horns that one finds in copies of A Midsummer Night's Dream and the various colored Fairy Books and Neil Gaiman graphic novels. Apparently, here in San Diego, if one doesn't look like freaking Tinkerbell people can't handle it. Think outside the fairy box, people!

("Think Outside The Fairy Box" is totally the name of my first twee pop album, by the way.)

The best costumes I saw this year:
Someone dressed as the Katamari Damarci guy.
A guy at a party with a really impressive Mormon costume, completely with Book of Mormon, Elder nametag, bike helmet, and Starbucks cup.
A guy wearing a blue sweatshirt with "Fatal Error 0x456234" on it. (He was the Blue Screen of Death.)

Also, I Made Quiche

And it was delicious.

My other weekend activities: Studied for my Computer Architecture midterm, went to a Halloween party, submitted my resume for a Google Internship. This weekend was uneventful and chill and I liked it.

Knit Robot In Progress

I got my knit robot pattern in the mail on Saturday, and ever since then all I've wanted to do is knit robots. I'm knitting my robot on size 5 needles instead of size 8, because: 1. I want an nice, firm fabric with the Rowan Kid Classic, and 2. What could be cuter than a wee little knit robot? Nothing, that's what.

I was sort of worried about the intarsia portion of the robot, since intarsia is also known as The Knitting Technique That Makes Cynthia Want To Die. But this time it was not so bad, and turned out mostly not wonky! Although, between all the intarsia yarn balls and bobbins and the fact that I'm leaving long yarn tails on my pieces to seam with, it felt a little like I was knitting with an octopus at times.

I'm done with the body pieces, and now I just have to make his little antenna, and embroider his face, and seam him together.

I cannot recommend this little knit toys booklet highly enough. I am utterly in love with it. I am usually not so into knit toys, because, well, I have enough useless crap already. But this booklet is so adorable! It's the toys are all sort of retro but also just a little weird in a way that I find incredibly awesome. The patterns are fantastic too. They're all done row by row, instead of in inches, so it's no problem making them in any gauge, and the instructions are great. I hope that everyone wants small, strange knit toys for Christmas, because that's what you're getting.

PS. Check out my super ghetto "yarn bobbins."

I Can't Buy Groceries

Dudes, I totally spent like, a hundred dollars at Trader Joe's today. This is what happens when I don't go food shopping for two weeks and then do my usual crack-headed hungry shopping. You know it's bad when the check-out girl is like, "Whoa, you've got a lot of food there." I'm trying to plan meals to cook ahead of time and stuff, so now it's a race between me finding time to cook and the food going bad in my fridge. I totally bought four kinds of cheese and had elaborate plans for what I was going to do with each one of them. The cheese, on the other hand, has elaborate plans to mold within the next week.

Of course, in talking to the check-out girl, I was like, "Yeah, I haven't gone grocery shopping in a couple of weeks. I'm a computer science grad student." And she was like, "Computer science grad student? Well, that explains everything."

My Research Is Displayed In New Buildings

This is a picture of my robot. She was at the opening of this new building at UCSD today, and I got to hang out with her. It's the first time I've seen her since we got her all put together and working, and it was really awesome to be able to see her tracking faces using stuff I helped build.

Also, I got my name on a poster on the work I did with computer vision and coral during Science Bootcamp. Which is, um, good in an academic manner, I hear. I didn't actually track down the poster and look at it or anything, but one of the professors congratulated me on it, which seems promising.

Also, opening of new building = lots of awesome free food.

I'm So Freaking Clever Lame

I made a mix cd for my friend Paul, and entitled it "A Brief History of Indie Rock, pt. 2: This Is Just a Modern Rock Song." I am extraordinarily proud of my brain for coming up with this title, which is extremely witty for the following reasons:

1. Titular colon in effect! The Boring Summation: Clever Subtitle format is extremely popular in academia, and thus my appropriating it for my mix cd is totally hilareous.

2. "This Is Just a Modern Rock Song" is the name of a Belle & Sebastian song off of the Four Boys In Our Corduroys E.P. A song which, um, is not on the mix.

3. "A Brief History of Whatever" format is mildly amusing.

Oh man! My brain, it's so freaking clever and funny! Except no one but me will ever be even close to nerdy enough to get my jokes. This is the great tragedy of my life, people. (Fortunately, I get to point out how totally freaking genius I am on my website, like that doesn't make me a total lamer.)

My Cat Needs Therapy

I think my darling evil cat is lonely now that mommy's a grad student. (And by "mommy," I of course mean the cat's actual mother, who is pursuing an advanced degree in biting.) Sophie is acting up like she's sixteen years old and I just took away her cell phone.

Here's how things usually work around here: When I go to bed, I leave my bedroom door cracked open. She spends most of the night curled up asleep next to me, but can also come and go to do cat things like use the litter box, run around as though someone was chasing her even though nothing is actually happening, and kill things.

Here's how they're working now that someone has abandonment issues: When I go to bed, I leave my bedroom door cracked open. She still has no problem getting into the room. However, when she decides that there's some urgent cat business to attend to else where, instead of just pushing the door open with her paw as she was perfectly capable of doing last week, she now meows piteously until I get out of bed and open the door for her. Then she comes back, waits an hour or two, and does it again.

Last night after this happened for the third time, I stuck a shoe in the door so it would stay further open, and that seemed to fix the problem. But, seriously, why does my cat have to act up by pretending she's no longer capable of something that I know she can do? It's so weird and messed up.

Geeky Knitting!!!

Dudes, it is a illusion knit scarf about Linux. I don't even know what to say. I am frightened, yet also slightly turned on.

Also, I just bought a pattern to make some knit robots. I plan to knit them out of some Rowan Kid Classic in my stash and keep them in my office where they can be adorable and cuddly and aid me in my eventual world domination through adorable robots.

The OC Lets Me Down

Have I talked to you guys about the second season of the O.C.? I am watching it now on DVD, and it is slightly ASS. I am very disapointed. The main problems as I am seeing them:

1. Messing with Kristen & Sandy. Don't make them bad, show! They are the moral compass of the show. The normal people. The every man. You make them all messy and soap-opera like, and it upsets me.

2. Making Summer unlikeable. She's all cute and adorable and yet also totally unreasonable and irrational and crazy on the show right now.

4. Oh, and Seth is totally annoying also.

5. And don't even get me started on these new secondary characters like Alex and Ryan's brother whose name I can't even remember, that is how stupid and annoying his character is. (Oh, wait, it's Tre.)

5. Quite possibly everything else.

I'm sorry, Second Season O.C. I wanted to like you so much, and you just let me down again and again. It's not me, it's you.

(I just totally undid any sort of respect for me you had left over from all those posts in which I pretended I was smart, didn't you? Oh, well. Next entry I'll try to reference both Alan Turing and Sarte at least once, okay.)

Ahh, Sufjan, That Wacky Kookster

I normally think that Pitchfork are pretentious asses, but this Sufjan Stevens News Item made me *LOLZ* right here in my office. I just can't resist Sufjan jokes like: "According to the Asthmatic Kitty website, this EP was put together 'many years ago', so like our grandparents, the Beatles, and Sufjan's second-favorite Testament, these songs are old."

Also, I may or may not be proving the old proverb that you can lead a pink haired girl to her office, but you can't make her study for her midterm.

An Open Letter To A Missing Season

Dear Fall,

I miss you, Fall. I miss bright, clear, crisp days, when the leaves had just started to fall and the wind had just a tiny bit of bite to it. I miss wearing sweaters with scarves and hats. I miss working my way through a progressively warmer set of coats as you worked your way into winter.

Here it is not crisp and bright at all. It is overcast and drizzly, and in my opinion, a piss-poor excuse for fall. I am wearing my pink boots and knit socks and sweaters, but it is not the same. (For one thing, they get become damp with all the rain and I am developing a bit of a wet sheepy smell.) I wore my blue knit hat the other day, just because I missed you.

I keep complaining to people about the over abundance of sunshine, but no one here understands. How can I explain that the light is too yellow here, and no leaves crunch under my boots, and the wind doesn't promise that summer is over and snow is just around the corner? You were a respite from the over-long heat of Summer, Fall, without the dreariness of Winter. You are pumpkins and apples ready to be made into pies, squash ready to be baked, clear skies and brisk wind. You smell like clean, warm things: pine needles and yarn and nutmeg.

Here there is just rain and clouds and more rain. You know I hate the rain, Fall.

I Miss You,
Cyn

You Want Links? I've Got Links

Adventures of an International Male. Answering the question "Who actually wears stuff from the International Male catalog?" with "Freelance writers."

One star Amazon reviews of books on the Time's 100 Best Novels list. My favorite, about The Sound & The Fury: “This book is like an ungrateful girlfriend. You do your best to understand her and get nothing back in return.”

That reminds me, have I told you guys about great works of literature summed up with Calvin peeing on things? Again, my favorite is the The Sound & The Fury. I cannot get enough Faulkner jokes, I tell you.

We need more of this hetero-homoerotic concept.

Research, Drinking

Well, kids, I was a total slacker this weekend, only working about eleven hours or so. Saturday night I actually went out drinking with a bunch of my fellow grad students. I've had a cold for the last three days, so I expected that after spending all night running around in misty Pacific Beach and drinking heavily, I would feel like ass this morning. But instead, I woke up feeling better than I have in days. This can only lead me to conclude that my body has finally adapted to become a finely tuned machine that runs on booze.

Also, there is an article about the research project I'm involved with this quarter in Wired magazine this month. It was written before I got involved, but the face tracker that they talk about is part of what I spent ten hours working on Friday.

Happy Birthday To the Superest Tarzan of Them All

Happy Birthday to Super Tarzan. I realize it is no longer your birthday, ST, but I have not gone to sleep yet, so it still counts. Also, I spent 11 am to 10 pm working on my research project, with only a twenty minute break at 4 pm to eat. (I spent the time from 10 pm until now drinking.)

Shameless

Dudes, guess who has an article in the Fall 2005 issue of Shameless Magazine? (Hint: She writes this blog.)

My article is entitled "Learn Basic HTML in 20 Minutes" and it's in the Geek Chic section. It's got an illustration and everything! And I have a little contributer profile in the front, too.

I'm really excited to be published in an actual print magazine, especially one as cool as this one.

I Blame The Undergrads

Dudes, I am about to get all 80 years old here, but have I complained to you about the kids today yet?

These undergrads! With their cellphones going off in class all the time. I think a cellphone has gone off in every class I've been to so far. I don't know how the professors don't just snap and start screaming at people when it happens. I totally would.

Also, people come to class like, half an hour late all the time. (And I know I did it that one time, but that was a discussion session and I blame the bus.)

I would never have pulled this crap when I was an undergrad. I think it's because the classes are so big here. If I'd shown up at an Oberlin class half an hour late, everyone would have noticed and the professor would have been like, "Cynthia, what is your problem?" Whereas here, they can't even tell whose cell phone is going off.

PS. Does your iPod have a Halloween Costume? Mine is going as a Squid.

California = Ridiculous

These Californians . . . they were all wearing scarves in the rain today, which I just do not get. It's been my experience that scarf + rain = heavy, waterlogged, disgusting piece of fabric wrapped around one's neck. Also, it was 68 degrees. That's barely sweater weather.

I, of course, did not bring an umbrella with me again today. However, I did rock the pink boots, which kept my feet dry at least.

Also, tonight at the bar I had two beers and was all, "I hate the beach! I hate sunshine!"

Geek Comic Link

Extra Good Diesel Sweeties Comic.

I especially enjoyed this, as I speak both pirate and l33+. Also, it's comic number 1337.

Rain, Earthquakes, Other Weird Weather Patterns

It rained today. I'd forgotten that weather existed since I moved to Southern California, so of course I was completely unprepared for it. No umbrella, my shoes started actively imbibing water about five minutes in, and my sweater sort of developed a wet sheep smell. Fortunately, this was weak-ass SoCal rain, and even completely unprepared it wasn't too bad. It's raining now, actually, and I am enjoying the sound it makes pinging against our chimney.

I forgot to tell you guys: I felt an earthquake this Sunday. But just a little, fun-sized one. A 4.9 off the coast somewhere.

Yeah, I'm A Huge Nerd

Have I mentioned that I love this? I realize that I'm all, "bitch, moan, grad school is kicking my ass, blah blah blah" all the time. And, well, I'm not lying. This is hard. But I'm learning so much and I'm loving it. It seems like each week I learn something new that totally blows my mind. Like, did you guys know that every java object has a monitor built into it? That's what declaring an object synchronized is all about. I had no idea. I love this shit. I love being surrounded by other people who love it as much as I do. I don't even really miss having a social life. (I have a new social life, in which I meet up with people and then do homework with them.)

I feel like my life is in motion again. I'm working towards something. And it's hard, but it feels good.

In Which I Wallow

I am having a pity party! You're invited! And by "you" I mean "whiskey."

1. Got to school at 10 a.m. today.
2. Left school at 8 p.m. today.
3. Have to be back at school at 1 p.m. tomorrow.
4. I left school all excited, "Oh, well at least I get to drive home cause parking is free on the weekends (!!!!)." Hit my head on the door getting into the car.
5. All of my clean laundry is in a big pile on my bedroom floor, and I have neither the time, energy or inclination to fold it.
6. I keep thinking in emacs commands. I have mentally hit crtl-x ctrl-s to save this entry about five times.

When I finally got my PhD, you bitches better believe I'm making all of you call me Doctor Cyn all the time.

PS. Almost forgot, EXTRA PITY: All of my knitterly east coast friends are at Rhinebeck, and I am not.

PPS: EXTRA EXTRA PITY: No one has commented on this website in like, five days. Well, then, I guess it is okay that I am boring and lame and no fun and you don't love me anymore, if you ever really even did.

Also, my tonic water is flat.

I Wouldn't Give My Problems To A Monkey On A Rock, and A Monkey On A Rock Wouldn't Want Em

Dudes, I am going to school at ten am tomorrow to work on a group project. Ten am on a Saturday. That's just wrong.

I skipped my discussion section today because I had all this work to do and meetings at precisely the wrong times. So of course, just as I was walking off of the elevator, both TAs were walking onto it. "Weren't you supposed to be at the discussion section?" "Ha ha, yes, you caught me." I need to just accept the fact that I can never do anything even slightly bad again.

On the bright side of brightly colored hair, I think that I'm the only person in one of my classes that the professor recognizes. Every time he calls on me, he says my name, and he never says anyone else's name when he calls on them. Now I just need to figure out some way to make this improve my grade.

Links: Like Content, Only Different

Cat & Girl: It's funny cause it's true, and it references a Weakerthans song.

Two Links For You

1. DJ Robot.

2. Breast Impants with "flexible plastic electronics."

Fun Dijkstra Facts/I Hate Binary

Did you guys know that Dijkstra invented the semaphore? That dude was awesome. (The computer science semaphore, not the kind with the flags.) That's why semaphores use P() and V() instead of Acquire() and Release(), cause he was Dutch. (Other awesome things Dijkstra did: Goto Considered Harmful, Dijkstra's algorithm.)

Semi-related: I am taking this Computer Architecture class where I constantly have to do crap like translate floating point numbers from decimal to binary or do long division with two's compliment binary numbers, and it is killing my soul. And I have to get a B+ or above in it, or take the course over.

If I do take the class over, it would mean that between Oberlin, UCSD undergrad, and UCSD grad, I would take Computer Architecture a total of four times. And it would remain COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY USELESS for anything I actually want to do. Hi! I do not need to know how the CPU is implemented in logic gates! The computer could be run by happy little elves, and as long as they kept on running my code correctly, I would not care.

Petticoat Lace Socks

These are the Petticoat Lace Socks from Weekend Knitting, done in sock yarn from Tess Designer Yarns that I got at Maryland Sheep & Wool festival. These socks were another victim of the knitting curse. They looked oh-so-cute on the model in the book, but on my chunky ankles: not so much. Also, I had gaping issues with the part where I had to knit the second stitch on the needle through the back loop, and then knit the first stitch. Does anyone know how I avoid that? I seriously considered frogging these socks, but my official sock policy is They Go On My Feet And I Do Not Care If They're A Little Wonky.

Things I liked about these socks: I heart this yarn. The color! So pretty and green. And I wore these socks the other day, and they were the squishiest, cushiest socks ever. Also, the picot edging is majorly cute.

Happy Deathiversary, Baby

Neal died two years ago today. Sometimes I feel like he's a ghost I carry around in my back pocket. Not that I believe in ghosts, but it's the easiest metaphor for my relationship with my memories of him. He's a ghost boy I take to indie shows and talk with while I'm waiting for the bus. His ghost is around more here in California, in the places we were when we were both real. I wanted to talk to him about applying to grad school. I want to talk to him about grad school now, because it's kicking my ass and he would understand, because Caltech kicked his ass even though he was a genius.

Have I told you he was brilliant but not arrogant? Have I told you that he never made me feel stupid? When I first started dating him, I would listen to NPR all day, and I would save things up to tell him, little factoids about news and science. Dating him made me want to be smarter. It made me see the beauty in math.

Every time I hear the Death Cab for Cutie song where they sing, "love is watching someone die," I feel like they're accusing me of something. I hadn't talked to him in four or five months when he died. I didn't know if he was living in Michigan or California. I stopped contacting him because every time I did it seemed like there was some new crazy story. It was always him taking all of his meds and crashing his car, or not eating because he was afraid to leave his apartment, or keeping his blood in little vials in his refrigerator.

I wasn't avoiding his calls, though. He wasn't calling me. He must have still been keeping in contact with his other friends, because he was with a bunch of them in San Francisco when he ODed. I guess we'd just drifted apart for a little while, the way that friends and exes do. The day he died, the night before I found out about it, I suddenly thought that I should call him. But it was too late then.

Sometimes I wonder if he would miss me this much if I had been the one who died. If he thought of me at all during the months when we just didn't bother calling each other. They told me he was doing better in the months before he died, that he was happy. I would have liked to see it.

My Weekend

I drove out to Tempe, Arizona this weekend to see Phil. Chris was here visiting, so I talked him into coming along with me. (And then tricked him into driving the whole way back. Ha!)

We were sitting around talking at dinner, and realized as someone who is payed by a National Science Foundation Grant (me), someone in the Navy (Chris), and someone living off of government student loans (Phil), we are all completely supported by the Federal Government. Your tax dollars were hard at work this weekend, kids. And by "work" I mean "drinking."

Phil had a housewarming/birthday party, and it was full of his new naturopath med school buds. In attendance were both another girl named Cynthia, and another girl with pink hair. I felt sort of threatened.

Hank, my car, did an excellent job with the long drive, and did not explode and kill me or anything. He did display a reluctance to drive faster than 65 at higher elevations, and at one point developed a strange knocking noise when driving above 70, but in general he was a fantastic car. Go Hank!

It is a sad, sad day when I get insanely excited about finding gas for sale for $2.83. I was like, "We're pulling the car over NOW! Cheap gas!" We also stopped in some podunk town where they were trying to sell us gas for $3.27. Um, no, I do not think that is going to happen.

Number of times we stopped for border patrol checkpoints: Three. We didn't have any problems, though, because Chris and I are insanely white. They only bothered to ask us a question ("Where were you born?") once, and the other two times just waved us through.

I Think My Cat Is Having Some Sort of Torrid Love Affair with My Shoe

Theirs is a love that dare not speak its name.

Seriously, my cat spent like, twenty minutes hugging the shoe, and rubbing her face on the shoe, and generally making sweet sweet love to the shoe.

I Blame Ted Leo & The Pharmacists

I have started doing secret dances to my iPod when I am alone in the elevator.

Well, This Is Annoying

Thanks to this bullshit, I can no longer access my website from home. It's a total pain in the ass, and there's virtually nothing I can do to fix it.

In other news, robotic fish.

Two Stories In Which I Am Kind of an Asshole

1. In the Basement Computer Lab:
There is a list of people signed up to get help from this random TA for some class. I am not on this list. The TA approaches me anyway.

TA: Are you Melissa?
Me: No, but I am a girl.

2. In 7-11 around 1 am, with everyone involved already two sheets to the wind:
We inspecting our beer options.

Random Dude: Look, they have Tecate in 22 oz cans! (Selects one, holds it up to show it to his friends.)
Me, loudly and derisively: Dude's buying Tecate.
Random Dude: (Returns Tecate to the shelf, selects another beverage.)

In the case of story #2, I would like to claim that it was tough love and I was doing it for his own good. The best part is that I had completely forgotten this story until Paul brought it up today after I mocked him for liking Bright Eyes.

My Neighborhood Association Gets Uppity

I saw one of these on an RV that probably cost about 100 times what my car is worth. This makes me nervous.

When they're going after shiny new RVs, can 13 year old Dodge Escorts with large dents and flaking paint be far behind?

Yes, I Get Drunk And Talk About Computational Theory

Yesterday while drunk I was definitely claiming that Theory of Computation/Computer Science Theory stuff is totally exactly just like Derrida. I have no idea why I would say that, other than to prove that I am the hugest nerd ever.

Although, when you think about it, wouldn't Roland Barthes and Alan Turing make a totally adorable couple?

Grad Student == Loser?

Guess who spent her Friday night sitting at home doing homework? (That's right, it's me!) And it's not like the homework is finished, either. Oh no, there's still plenty more where that came from.

Dudes, if I have a nervous breakdown, it will be because there is just so much information out there and so little room in my brain. I am way behind on my New Yorkers, and I'm three-quarters done reading Everything Is Illuminated, and there's all this culture I need to absorb, and then there's all the stuff I'm supposed to be learning for my classes, and I probably also need to be figuring out some sort of research interest. There's just so much to learn out there, about everything, and it's completely and totally overwhelming. I feel like I'm reaching the limit of what I can fit into my brain. And there's so much that's completely fascinating, and so much that's less fascinating but that you need to know to get to the fascinating stuff, and so much that's useful, and just so much out there that I don't know yet . . . I think I need to go lie down.