Emily. Shock and Awe.

Phil. Just Like In the Movies.

Wendy. Ski Bum and Adventuress.

Rachel. Dancing Queen.

Julie. The Littlest Elf.

Chris. There Ain't No Party Like a Marching Band Party.

Cyn. Just a Pink Haired Girl.

 

For Wendy's benefit, here is my own brief version of what happened at Obie Xmas, or, as I thought of it in my own mind, "The Estrogen Explosion." If other people would like to add to this or talk about their own experience, then go wild. All 7 of us stayed in Julie's mom & Mr. Funk's crazy house in the suburbs -- three floors, 5 bathrooms, 8 burners on the stove, & only two people who actually live there. It proved to be convenient for us, though. I got there early & spent some time watching Julie & Eben pick family Christmas ornaments to take home with them & watching movies. Then Cyn, Phil, Dani & Rachel arrived, & we all hugged & raided the liquor cabinet, & went upstairs to exchange gifts. I got lots of great cosmetics & a calendar with lots of drink recipes on it, among other things. Everybody went sort of wild hand-making gifts this year. On Saturday we gave each other makeovers & everbody had extreme eyeshadow put on them. Then Eben, Phil & I went on a mission to the grocery store to get mixers & dinner ingredients, & we drank some more & made a giant taco feast thing. After that it becomes a bit of a blur. Some of us watched the Powerpuff girls, & later some of us went into the hot tub, although I didn't, so I don't know what it was like.

I woke up on Sunday morning & was the last person left in the house -- it was kind of crazy. The whole thing was a vast success. Here is what I have been doing: Yesterday I baked a cake. Today I went to see Bunuel's "Diary of a Chambermaid," & now I am going off to have gin & tonics & look at some pornography. Why is life so awesome? But it would be even MORE awesome if everyone would send me grocery money -- I spent $62, people!

posted by Emily Comments [] 11:17 PM

Thursday, January 29, 2004

 

oh, how was obie christmas? i am sad i could not go.

posted by Wendolyn Comments [] 5:11 PM

 

amazing, i too had a disasterous drunken adventure in a taxi! i went to crazy sort of company party (held to rejoice in the raping of nature), but it had an open bar, free bar, and thus somehow i found myself there. in the taxi on the way home we might have been going just a tad overboard in the backseat, but the driver stopped and said something to the effect of "knock it off or you kids are walking." goddamn self rightious puritanical taxi drivers of lake tahoe!

posted by Wendolyn Comments [] 5:10 PM

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

 

I left my cell phone in a taxi between 4 am and 5 am last night. I have used this as an excuse to buy a fancy new picture phone, which I plan to have amazing intoxicated adventures with. However, this means I have also lost everyone's phone number, and you should all either call me or email me your number.

My phone number remains the same.

posted by Cyn Comments [] 8:05 PM

Thursday, January 22, 2004

 

To become prepared for the new semester which starts Monday, all the 101 teachers were supposed to go to an orientation session this morning on creative lesson plans. It started at 9, with continental breakfast to be served starting at 8:30. The following is a chronology of what I did that morning.

7:15 Wake up; look at clock; go back to sleep.
9:00 Wake up again; perceive that alarm clock still hasn't gone off. Brush teeth & put on clothes in utter panic.
9:20 (or whenever) Arrive at English building. Snag some bagel, fruit & coffee; slink into meeting room.
10:15 Short break. More bagel!
10:30 More orientation.
12:15 Catered lunch. I eat like a Viking, then eat some more. What the hell is up with my metabolism?

Here are some samples of conversation from when we were eating lunch.

Another teacher: Your hair is really great. I was admiring it the whole time.
Emily: Thanks, it looks like a rats' nest. I didn't have time to brush it.

Head of the Freshman Writing program, a slightly rotund, middle-aged, bespectacled woman, to me: I was raised in a very strict evangelical religion. We would go to these hours-long sermons on how the Romans used to flog people, & some of these guys, I swear, would be getting off on it. But I didn't like it. Maybe that's why I never got into S&M. It seemed too much like church.

Me, to my teaching mentor: I feel like I'm hung over, but I only had two drinks last night.

posted by Emily Comments [] 8:47 PM

Friday, January 16, 2004

 

Some friends & I invented a new drink the other night. What you do is, combine the following:

1 part whisky (or more -- I don't care)
2 parts cream soda

It's called the Flaubert. It's like a superior version of the whisky & coke. Enjoy!

posted by Emily Comments [] 4:16 PM

Monday, January 12, 2004

 

hello everyone. happy new years and such. i have been having a very eventful few weeks. i will give some quick highlights. my family came to visit over the holidays and drunken scrabble ensued. my mother and i had a crazy time cooking a duck for christmas-- why my mother, who is a vegetarian, would insist upon cooking a duck is beyond me. new years was apparently quite exciting, although i remember absolutely nothing beyond falling down and being dragged across an icy parking lot. i feel this is most likely when i lost my car keys. they are still lost. in the midst of all this i taught exactly 93 people how to snowboard and had many people stranded in my office overnight due to a big blizzard.

then, cynthia and her family came to visit. there was much merriment and delicious food. then, i caught a nasty cold and spent a good deal of time looking pathetic and trying not to cough on people. on friday night, cynthia, chris, and i attempted to paint the town red. we must all give cynthia major props because she fended off a crazy stalker man with brutal honesty in front of a bar full of people. after being punked by cynthia, stalker man hid in the bathroom at the bar and we mocked him. on saturday my sick hungover ass had to teach small children to ski. mostly it was great fun to be able to wipe snot on the children for a change. all day, i muttered 'ha you little bastards, just try to give me your coodees! here, have some coodees from me, you germ ridden little monkeys!"

posted by Wendolyn Comments [] 9:20 PM

Sunday, January 11, 2004

 

Okay here's another thing: an extra bonus anecdote about what happened when I went to the movies the other night. So I went to see Modern Times (the fancy theater near my house shows lots of old stuff) & had run to the ticket counter because I was a bit late & the weather was devilishly cold (which is still is). There were only a few people in line. A couple was directly in front of me. This is what happened when they went to order their tickets.

Woman: I'd like four for Big Animal. Two students.
Girl selling tickets: Okay.
Woman: Do you know if there's any sort of rating for the movie?
Girl: I don't think so -- it's Czech! {Everyone shares a good laugh over this one}
Woman: Have you seen it?
Girl: No. It just came out, and today is the first day that we're showing it. It sounded interesting.
Woman: Is there a number that you can call to get more information about the movies that you show?
Girl: Actually, there is. If you call such-and-such a number you can talk to a member of the staff about your questions, blay blay, & it's staffed between the hours of etc., etc. If you look on this brochure, the number is printed there.
Woman: {Renders elaborate thanks}
Emily: {In head} YOU FUCKING STUPID CUNT! GET OUT OF THE WAY & LET ME BUY MY TICKET! IT'S FUCKING NEGATIVE TEN DEGREES OUT!

When I got inside the theater, the woman had cornered some unfortunate theater employee & had her synopsizing the plot of the movie. Apparently it's about a small Czech village.

posted by Emily Comments [] 9:28 PM

Saturday, January 10, 2004

 

I'm on vacation, & not much is going on right now. However, people complained, & I hate to let this blog slide into irrelevancy, so I thought I'd update you on the items of interest in my life. Here they are:

-- I've gotten started on restoring the 1930's Box Brownie camera that I bought at a yard sale a year or two ago. Not only does it have cool art deco patterns on the front, but it is amazingly primitive, boasting a total of 2 possible focus settings, 2 aperture sizes, & one possible shutter speed. Also, it takes film that is no longer manufactured, so I have to buy 120 film & wind it onto 620 spools that I buy off Ebay. The spools haven't come in the mail yet.
-- It's difficult to be certain at this point in time, but I think the birth control I am on in making my boobs grow. I'll update you on this situation as it progresses.

Is everyone happy now? I hope so.

posted by Emily Comments [] 7:39 PM

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

 

Folks...I'm starting my own blog. It's not as rockin' as I hope it eventually will be just now (I don't have comments or the type font I want), but it's there, and it's mine and you should check it out at www.littlestblog.blogspot.com...there's some exciting new stuff going on here in Portland!

posted by Julie Comments [] 6:12 PM

Sunday, January 04, 2004

 

Wig in a Box

When I first heard about this CD, I thought it sounded awesome. I mean, I love Hedwig, I love Rufus Wainwright and Cindi Lauper and They Might Be Giants. Imperial Teen are also sort of fun in an indiepop kind of a way. So how could a collection of some of my favorite bands covering songs from my favorite rock musical not be great? This is how:
Rufus Wainwright slurs through The Origin of Love barely understandable to even a Wainwright fan and downright incomprehensible to anyone who isn't familiar with his soulful crooning. Sleater Kinney screams all the way through Angry Inch. Frank Black butchers Sugar Daddy. Some band called Spoon does one hell of a job fucking up Tear Me Down. Yoko Ono screeches a lot and Yo La Tengo doesn't do much to help the situation on Hedwig's Lament. The Midnight Radio cover offers an answer to the question, What has Cyndi Lauper been doing for the past 20 years? She's been chainsmoking, that's what. I couldn't even listen to that track all the way through. Jonathan Richman's reprise of Origin of Love clearly betrays the fact that he failed to learn the words to this song before the recording session. The only really good part of the CD are Stephen Colbert (of The Daily Show)'s reading of the "Ladies and Gentlemen" bit comparing Hedwig to the Berlin Wall in his best faux news caster voice. The two new songs aren't bad either and the Breeder's cover of Wicked Little Town is nice. But all of the songs on this CD sound a whole hell of a lot better when sung by John Cameron Mitchell in a dress.

posted by Julie Comments [] 6:07 PM

Friday, January 02, 2004

 

Things Andy Complained About While In Portland:
the rain
the fact that Trader Joe's doesn't carry Sprite
the ending of The Big Labowski
the food at our local bar
the weirdos on the street
everyone else's hair
tofu
the lack of TV
the noise made by our radiators at night
the noise of the woman above us walking around in heels
our "if it's yellow, let it mellow" policy in the bathroom
the animate French movie we took him to see which he was too drunk to enjoy.

We had some fun times and he certainly made New Year's a little more interesting, but now that he's gone, we are happy to be walking around in as little clothing as we please once more.

One thing I have to say for Andy, though, is he gave me one rockin' xmas gift: The Bust Guide to The New Girl Order. The best part is I didn't even ask him to get it for me.

posted by Julie Comments [] 10:13 PM