Emily. Shock and Awe.

Phil. Just Like In the Movies.

Wendy. Ski Bum and Adventuress.

Rachel. Dancing Queen.

Julie. The Littlest Elf.

Chris. There Ain't No Party Like a Marching Band Party.

Cyn. Just a Pink Haired Girl.

 

if anyone is in need of some good karma, they should talk to me. i just guided an overnight rafting/camping trip on the american river and there was much craziness. the first day we did the south fork of the american, which starts out super calm and then goes into the gorge and has a shitload of big rapids. a ways past the first rapid we came upon a pair of drunken rednecks standing on an island in the middle of the river. they were holding a paddle and a fishing pole. they stared at us and we wondered what they were doing there as there was no sign of a boat anywhere. we yelled to them and asked if they needed help and they just kinda looked at us like they were stunned or something. it became apparent that they'd lost their boat in the last rapid and swam to the island were they'd been sitting for an hour or so being confused. we got them off the island, found their boat, and attempted to teach them how to paddle it. then we followed them down the river and rescued them every time they fell out, which happened basically in every rapid. it was monday and we were the only boat on the river so they were goddamn fucking lucky we decided to ask if they needed help. once we got to the take out spot for the trip they were like "holy shit, thanks guys, you totally saved our asses" we were like, uh, sure, anytime. then they tried to give us $20 and said "we'd give you our beers but they went in the river."
so, that was fun. then we took our beers, which didn't do in the river, and found a campsite on the middle fork, made fatty burritos, got drunk, went skinny dipping. the next day, completely hungover, we ran the middle fork, which was crazy pee your pants scary. we had to portage our gear around a huge waterfall. the rapids were huge and crazy fun.

posted by Wendolyn Comments [] 1:27 PM

Monday, June 28, 2004

 

My former landlady is such a cunt. (To understand this story, it's important to know that she bought the property a couple of months ago from the woman who originally rented me the place.) She still hasn't given me all of my security deposit back from my apartment, the reasons given being that a) she wanted to charge me to have someone come in & clean, & b) she hadn't read the lease & didn't know how much money she owed me. There are a number of things wrong with this, even more things than you might think, as I discovered when I looked over the lease today. She is allowed to deduct money only for repairs & damage, not for everyday wear & tear, & she would have had to send me a list in writing at least 3 days before I moved out so I would have had the chance to make the repairs myself. (Furthermore, she has no idea how dirty it was when I moved in.) I called her this evening to point these things out to her & she gave me all kinds of attitude. She told me that the dirt on the kitchen floor was unbelievable & that the place was too filthy to live in, & then she was like "I don't know what you consider to be cleaning." What a bitch. I can't believe she said that to me. Then I explained the contents of the lease to her, which she still has not read, & she agreed to send me the rest of the money, but she acted like she was doing me a favor. Had she not agreed, my next steps would have been to 1) write a registered letter; 2) pursue the matter in small claims court. I was kind of looking forward to writing the registered letter.

So the moral of this story is that, as a tenant, you should know your rights. For instance, you are supposed to get interest back on your deposit, a fact which landlords always conveniently forget. If you are renting a property, you should look up what the laws are in your area.

posted by Emily Comments [] 11:09 PM

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

 

my new program of drinking seven nights a week has been having wonderful results. i'm no longer bothered by the monotony of my job, rather, i just take a nap at my desk. there must be more benefits but i can't really think of them. the other night my friends were all wasted by the third round of tequila shots but not me, i am stronger than mighty mouse. i went to an outdoor concert. it was modeski martin and wood and i think they were good but wasn't really paying attention. i climbed a fence to avoid paying for a ticket. i lost my cell phone but used a lighter to find it. i lost my wallet but used the light from the cell phone to find it. there were many people i hadn't seen in a while including the boy with whom i had the following conversation:
him- wendy, it's ryan
me- um, hi ryan
-remember me, we both worked at ski school last winter
-oh, shit, yes, i'm sorry i didn't recognize you. you got a haircut? it looks good.
-no. my hair has always been like this. but i'm not wearing a hat.
-clearly. maybe the light is just funny right now.
-did you know it's the solstice tonight?
... and then i wandered away to loose more stuff in the grass. the next night i went to anther concert in south shore. some friends and i wound up in a bar where you can sit in a ski gondola cabin inside the bar. the concert went haywire and they turned off the music in the middle of the show. the band left. no one knows why. people became angry and threw things. we left but were too drunk to go far. jody and i decided to camp in his truck. we parked on the road. i drunkenly wandered off to pee and ran into a small herd of horses. they were nice and i petted them. at 5am some equestrians started banging on the truck and saying something like "time to saddle up." i think they were under the impression we were going riding with them. we debated whether to try to play along and go riding but i could not find a shirt so we gave up. we drove home with me wearing a sleeping bag. good times. good times.

posted by Wendolyn Comments [] 8:34 PM

Saturday, June 19, 2004

 

i went to a white trash theme bbq last night and let me tell you, it was great! what made it great wasn't the costumes (although there were some good ones, and lots of mullets), or the presense of a beer bong, twinkies, spam cut into heart shapes, or a random bag of pork rinds that no one would eat, but the redneck sporting events that one could participate in. there was a wobbly board that 2 people could stand on and hit each other with large foam swords with the intent of knocking their opponent off the wobbly board. this was quite fun and led to lots of bruises and screaming things such as "you're having my daddy's baby?! you bitch! he's mine, he's my daddy! you ho!" once it was dark we got out some axes and a sledge hammer and smashed up an old washer and dryer. fabulous! i did multiple beer bongs. some chick in a mullet and gold tube top was playing the drums in the backyard. then the cops came. this is the first party i've been to since college that broken up by the police. the cop stared at us and then at the broken dryer then called for backup. a lot of people wearing redneck outfits went running down the road and eventually wound up at the local bar. people at the bar were confused.

posted by Wendolyn Comments [] 11:13 AM

 

Hey so I saw this commercial that claimed Listerine is as effective for your mouth as flossing -- which is total bullshit, when you think about it, because there's no way that it could be. & it occured to me that gargling instead of flossing is the same sort of thing as shaving with an electric razor instead of a real razor. Listerine is like the mouth version of an electric razor. Furthermore, an electric razor is like the shaving version of driving an automatic transmission. It's the same demographic for all of these products. Pussies, that's who.

Oh, & I got my dad a book about polar exploration for father's day. I was going to recommend it to you guys, so in case you needed a last-minute gift for the dads, you would know that there's a new book about polar exploration out. But I already wrapped it, so I don't know who it's by. Damn. I believe it's called "I May Be Gone Some Time."

P.S. I SAW THE MC5.

posted by Emily Comments [] 3:20 AM

Monday, June 14, 2004

 

Last night I had a dream that I was visiting Oberlin. I was in the Bead Shop with Wendy and Emily, and we were all making fun of the ugly clothes. (I remember someone being like, "That one's a total Nancy Dye dress.")

It was totally normal, except I had my cat with me. At first I was letting her wander around the bead shop, and then we went to the Oberlin Inn and I just picked her up and carried her under my arm.

posted by Cyn Comments [] 12:07 PM

Monday, June 07, 2004

 

Well, I graduated on Friday, and am now a petty officer. Yay! My rank is now MM3. Went to a strip club on Friday. There was one ugly stripper, and no one in the entire place wanted a lap dance from her. I actually felt bad for her, but not bad enough to pay for a lap dance from an ugly stripper. Many video games were played this weekend, perhaps too many. And then today, I was put to work sweeping concrete, and washing doors and railings!

posted by Christopher Comments [] 6:50 PM

 

nobody else is blogging, so i will, it's not like i have anything better to do at my illustrious job. i went to san francisco last week with my friend april mae. april mae does passion parties, which are like tupperware parties for sex toys. we had 4 objectives on our trip: go to good vibrations, go to great america (amusement park), attempt to get sam to take us sailing, and wear wigs. we had very poor success on the objectives, possibly owing to our perpetual state of hungoverness, lack of any road map, and sabatoge by steve. a word about steve: this is steve from italy, who calls occasionally drunk and late at night and i become angry, but i thought, what the hell, we can go barhopping or something. in addition, i had 2 free nights at the ramada mark twain union square (sounds like it's nice and on union square, right?), however, we found the hotel (which is nice-- $300/night for a room nice) after much searching, not on union square but in the tenderloin (san francisco fact: the tenderloin is the BAD part of town). fear not, i filled out a comment card with the suggestion "hotel should be renamed 'ramada mark twain heart of the tenderloin' to avoid future confusion." we went to the beach and found some food then went off to meet steve. things immediately got off to a bad start. april wanted to go to a dyke bar and steve said he wouldn't go in. why is steve afraid of dyke bars? i'm not afraid and i should think i have more to fear than steve. my theory is that steve got beat up in a dyke bar-- i spent all evening imagining this and giggling to myself. so we wound up in the castro and then the haight and then wasted at steves house. steve wouldn't allow us to go back to the tenderloin at 1am, so instead we spent the night trying to fend off steve's attempts to have a threesome. advice to men: if you have 2 girls in your bed and neither wants to sleep with you, give up, you are outnumbered. anyway, we made it back to our unused hotel room and then went shopping and then went to great america-- which was super fun.

posted by Wendolyn Comments [] 10:41 AM