Emily. Shock and Awe.

Phil. Just Like In the Movies.

Wendy. Ski Bum and Adventuress.

Rachel. Dancing Queen.

Julie. The Littlest Elf.

Chris. There Ain't No Party Like a Marching Band Party.

Cyn. Just a Pink Haired Girl.

 

9/11

Last night my housemate Jen was telling me about that crazy events that happened at our house on September 11th. They involved the antics of a schizophrenic man calling himself Brother Geronimo, whom someone had ill-advisedly invited over, & who subsequently refused to leave.

Jen: ... so I get back from walking the dog, & I get to the front door, & Kim is there, & Kim says "Brother Geronimo is inside. Brother Geronimo doesn't have any shoes." Brother Geronimo was later to ask Kim to marry him.
Bekka: But that was a different day, right?
Jen: No no, same day. It was a very long day... for a lot of people.
Emily: Heh! {General laughter}
Emily: See, 9/11 is still funny. Some people say no, 9/11 is old news, it isn't funny anymore. But me, I say it will never get old.

posted by Emily Comments [] 8:04 PM

Thursday, April 28, 2005

 

Adorable conversation I had with punk boy I am sort of dating:

Him: So, what are you doing tonight?
Me: I'm going to Last Thursday and then I am free.
Him: That's when I'm free!
Me: I'll call you when I'm leaving.
Him: I'm so glad I have a cell phone so I don't have to wait by the phone.
Me: But would you wait by the phone?
Him: I would wait there and hold my breath 'til it was as blue as your hair.

Aw.

posted by Julie Comments [] 10:39 PM

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

 

After-Hours Bars

I had this whole post I was prepared to write a couple of mornings ago about how you shouldn't go to an after-hours bar on a work night, no matter how good an idea it seems like, or who else is going. Making excuses & rationalizations, such as "I don't have to be in until 2 -- it isn't a real work night" is pointless. Doing this will fuck up your sleep schedule & cause you to be behind the entire following day. A normal bar closes at 2-ish & this is a fine time for you to go home. You don't need a bar that stays open until 6. Or at least that's what I originally planned to tell you. What happened to me was that I went to sleep around 6:00 Monday morning, woke up again at 8:30 & couldn't get back to sleep (someone in close proximity to me was snoring), finally went to sleep on the sofa downstairs, & then woke up at 12:30. Technically I was supposed to be meeting with my professor about paper topics at 12:30, but since that clearly was not happening I ate some breakfast instead. It was miraculous that I was able to show up for class at 2. But then I found out my professor had sent me an e-mail saying he couldn't make the 12:30 meeting time anyway. So, I dunno, maybe you should go to an after-hours bar after all. Instead of causing disaster, it could just add adventure to your life.

Scrunchies

Why are people still wearing these? If I were the President, I would make a rule that everyone who possesses a scrunchie has to eat it. That's your punishment: Eat the fuckin' thing. If you own ten scrunchies, then you have to eat all ten.

posted by Emily Comments [] 10:32 PM

Thursday, April 21, 2005

 

New Catch-Phrase

I was listening to KBOO this morning and Jack Danger, host of Queer Queer World was quoting her new favorite pro-life bumper sticker: As a former fetus, I'm against abortion. I think we should just start adding that to the beginning of everything. Em, it already lends more credibility to your Eugenics post: As a former fetus, I am all for killing off those with allergies at birth. And it can be used to boost arguments for stuff that's not related to birth or killing: As a former fetus, I am against drilling in the arctic. As a former fetus, I am for half-squirrel on the train tracks. As a former fetus, I am for casual sex among co-workers. As a former fetus, I am VERY pro-womb chairs in Mudd library. Ok, you get the idea...

posted by Julie Comments [] 2:45 PM

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

 

Eugenics

Hello. Can I talk to you for a moment about eugenics? People usually think of eugenics as a bad thing: It's cruel, it's racist, discriminates against people who are poor or weird-looking, etc. etc. But you are failing to consider something when you think that way. If our society had started (long ago) trying to weed out the genes for seasonal allergies, allergy sufferers like me would not have to live. We would never have been born, & all this suffering would be spared us. I don't care if they do it by killing the allergic people at birth, or through some less primitive method. It's such a good idea that I think they could also extend it to chronic urinary tract infections. Let's get rid of those genes too. I would not exist, but in my place would be someone without hay fever, without UTI's, probably with good eyesight, & able to enjoy life.

In other news, I went to CVS today to get a Flonase prescription, & the man told me they were "out of Flonase" because "it's allergy season." If there's one thing I WON'T miss when I move to Nashville, it's this crappy CVS. They couldn't have planned for this circumstance & ordered more? It couldn't be predicted that there will be a run on allergy medicine during allergy season? "What do you think people will want this month?" I picture them asking. "Chillblain remedies? Malaria vaccinations? Pills to give them more allergies, so they can always sense when there's pollen?"

Hot New Catchphrase

"Is the pumpkin going to explode?" We saw an episode of my favorite show, "What Not to Wear," in which the makeover subject was expostulating on how good her new clothes made her feel. "I feel like Cinderella, but is the pumpkin going to explode? & it's not." We liked that instead of having the pumpkin, say, disappear, she provided the much more dynamic metaphor of a pumpkin EXPLODING. This phrase should be applied to daily life immediately. How many times do you worry that the pumpkin is going to explode?

posted by Emily Comments [] 10:13 PM

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

 

most awesome post-relationship relationship discussion:

him: i should tell you that i think what you did when you came over the other night was pretty fucked up.
me: how so?
him: well, we said that we weren't going sleep with each other and then you decided you were too drunk to drive home.
me: i was too drunk to drive home. you could have driven me home if you had a problem with me staying at your house. but you said nothing. or, i can go drive into a tree if it will make you happy.
him: you got into my bed... what did you think was going to happen. you manipulated the situation.
me: i got into the bed first, if you didn't think you could handle sleeping in the bed you could have slept on the couch.
him: it's my bed.
me: you initiated it. i was totally staying on my side.
him: you didn't have any pants on.
me: this is pointless.
him: i agree. you know i'm not avoiding you but we can't really hang out.
me: why not CONTRADICTORY MAN?
him: because this is going to keep happening.
me: you're the one who has a problem with us sleeping with each other. i don't care. it doesn't mean anything to me. but you obviously have an issue. so if you don't want us to sleep with each other then don't. i'm not tricking you into having sex. take responsibility for yourself.
him: i just don't think it's a good idea to hang out.
me: but we have to work with each other, so it's not acceptable for you to say "um, yeah, i want to sleep with you but i think it's a bad idea so i don't want to do it, so to prevent this from happening we must never be alone together" because that's basically what you're saying.
him: yeah it is.
me: how can i possibly work with you and respect you? this is completely ridiculous.
him: but that's how it is.
me: argh! i just want us to be cool, and we are totally not cool.
him: yup. are you going on the rafting trip monday?
me: yeah, see you then.

posted by Wendolyn Comments [] 2:16 PM

Thursday, April 14, 2005

 

I have passed my defense

I have passed my M.A. defense: for those who don't know, a 45-minute period of time in which I answer questions about this 30-page paper I wrote, being asked by a panel of 3 professors. I was awarded a grade of "high pass" for the defense & this means if I pass my classes this semester, I will have my degree. I guess it's pretty likely that I will pass my classes (because I have passes every class I have taken before). After worrying about this paper all semester, this is a big relief. Then I went shopping. At Sephora, among other things, I got a pair of Tweezerman tweezers. I have read since forever that they are the best tweezers out there, but DID YOU KNOW that it's really true? They can pluck your troublesome eyebrow hairs before you even feel it. I also tried out the new Hermes fragrance, Sur un Jardin de Nil. Recommended to everyone. It starts out all grapefruity & androgynous, & then mellows into this warm, pleasant scent that I can't even describe. THE END.

posted by Emily Comments [] 1:03 AM

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

 

oberlin nostalgia moment

i was at the natural food store the other day looking for something for breakfast besides oatmeal or leftover refried beans or the other crap that i eat on a regular basis. i really wanted granola and maple yogurt but the granola in the natural food store is always kinda gross and anemic looking. granola should look all toasted and crunchy, not white and sad. after pouting for a while, i had the realization that i was more than capable of making granola myself. i bought ingredients and made some granola. i discovered that nothing reminded me of oberlin quite like stirring a big pan of granola.

the roommate came home while i was cooking. she was overly impressed that not only was i making granola, but that this was a skill i'd somehow aquired in college. she said something like "wow, at davis, we just drank." ahh... sweet co-op memories.

posted by Wendolyn Comments [] 7:20 PM

Saturday, April 09, 2005

 

School is crazy. I leave my house at 7:20 am and Don't get back until at least 8:20. Yes, school is 12 hours long. At least until I start swing shifts in 6 weeks. Then I get to work crazy hours! And I have about a million things I have to learn. And I feel like I am the bigest bullshitter in the world, all the time. What temperature is that? 400 degrees? No? Then it has to be 200 degrees. No? Shit, I'll go look it up, in one of the five 300-page reference manuals that pertain to it.

Also, my house gets shitty cell phone reception.

To make up for it all, I saw Mindless Self Indulgence last night, and I'm driving 3 hours tonight to see Circle Takes the Square.

posted by Christopher Comments [] 2:16 PM

Sunday, April 03, 2005

 

When I went to the crazy hippy party in the woods, I met this boy there who was all excited to talk to me about journaling and he said, in this very sexy way, "I want to read you." I don't know what he does for a living or where he lives or how old he might be, but he had some interesting insights into the feminine nature of the universe and the human yearning for our tribal roots. My friends wanted to leave the party shortly after I met him, but we were all snuggly and cute as we said "goodbye" and I gave him my blog address. So, why the fuck hasn't he contacted me? I like to pretend he was taken hostage by bandits. (Or maybe he's just intimidated by the blog discussion about white privilege.)

posted by Julie Comments [] 9:34 PM

 

So I'm trying to write this paper. It occurs to me that it's a problem that the same device I use to write the paper (my computer) is also the device that contains the internet. How am I ever supposed to get any work done? Real freakin' great idea, guys. You know what someone should make? A device that can do typing & word-processing functions, but nothing else. We could call it a "typewriter." I would pay $1 million for one.

posted by Emily Comments [] 8:32 PM